December With The Devils: Window Number Kovalchuk

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December With The Devils: Window Number Kovalchuk

December 15, 2010 by Schnookie

Well, this sucks.

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Posted in *Clank!*, Ilya Kovalchuk?!?!?!? WTF???? | 70 Comments

70 Responses

on December 15, 2010 at 7:26 pm mcguffers

I had to get my battery jumped tonight so I totally feel your pain with the flat tire. Except… where is the foot of snow surrounding your car making it completely miserable for you? Oh? That was just me? Funfetti.

I may or may not be recording the Sabres game so I can watch the Ducks/Caps. I also may or may not be eating a full sleeve of Thin Mints (a cookie I don’t even like).
on December 15, 2010 at 7:32 pm Pookie

I also may or may not be eating a full sleeve of Thin Mints (a cookie I don’t even like).

:^::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::: I’m so glad you’re loving the Ducks! I know it’s all Bobby Ryan, but as long as Getzi’s on your tv, I’m happy. :D (Also, your behind-the-scenes with the DeadlEEEs cracked my shit up.)
on December 15, 2010 at 7:34 pm Schnookie

Except… where is the foot of snow surrounding your car making it completely miserable for you? Oh? That was just me? Funfetti.

Ack! That’s terrible! I am so, so, so sorry! I was sure I’d taken all the bad car mojo for everyone today. (I might not have had a foot of snow, but it was only 23 degrees out. For the two and a half hours I was sitting there.)

I may or may not be recording the Sabres game so I can watch the Ducks/Caps. I also may or may not be eating a full sleeve of Thin Mints

I tip my hat to you, mcguggs. You know how to live right. :D
on December 15, 2010 at 7:44 pm mcguffers

Pookie, Getzi just made a super hawt swat-the-puck-off-the-goal-line play, and being line mates with one Mr. B. Ryan has really upped his stud factor. (His play made the announcer say, “SCOOOOOOORR… er, what?? I just got 4 of the 5 letters in the word ‘score’ out!! 4 out of 5!!” As manager of the DeadlEEs, I’d like to point out the fifth letter of score is a silent “e”, so I’m not really sure how you don’t get it out.)

I tip my hat to you, mcguggs. You know how to live right

I’m one classy bitch.
on December 15, 2010 at 7:50 pm Pookie

As manager of the DeadlEEs, I’d like to point out the fifth letter of score is a silent “e”, so I’m not really sure how you don’t get it out.

:^:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::
:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
on December 15, 2010 at 7:52 pm Schnookie

As manager of the DeadlEEs, I’d like to point out the fifth letter of score is a silent “e”, so I’m not really sure how you don’t get it out.

:^:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::: I feel like you could parlay this into a guest spot on Sesame Street.
on December 15, 2010 at 8:00 pm mcguffers

:^::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::: Unfortunately Katy Perry ruined it for us girls that like to dress like whores. No way Sesame Street lets me go on wearing a bikini top made from lower case e’s
on December 15, 2010 at 8:25 pm Schnookie

:^::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::: It’s so true, sadly. Although maybe she didn’t ruin it for people who want to teach kids about vowels using the bedazzled letters on their asses?
on December 15, 2010 at 8:51 pm mcguffers

Both of these games have become tiresome. Now I shall watch Diners, Drive-Ins, and Dives.
on December 15, 2010 at 8:52 pm mcguffers

A Diners, Drive-Ins, and Dives that I’ve already seen. Where they’re eating goat.
on December 15, 2010 at 8:54 pm Schnookie

A Diners, Drive-Ins, and Dives that I’ve already seen. Where they’re eating goat.

:^::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

Have you considered taking a nibble of the Flyers/Habs game? It’s going quite well. :D
on December 15, 2010 at 8:58 pm mcguffers

I forgot about that one! I think it’s time to switch.
on December 15, 2010 at 8:59 pm Pookie

A Diners, Drive-Ins, and Dives that I’ve already seen.

I think that’s the tagline for the 2010 Hockey Season around these parts. :D
on December 15, 2010 at 9:00 pm mcguffers

Huh. The Flyers are winning. I feel I should have been warned.
on December 15, 2010 at 9:05 pm Schnookie

Huh. The Flyers are winning. I feel I should have been warned.

Wait, me saying a Flyers game is “going quite well” isn’t warning that they’re winning? :P
on December 15, 2010 at 9:07 pm Schnookie

This game sucks now.
on December 15, 2010 at 9:08 pm mcguffers

This game sucks now.

:^::::::::::::::::::::::::::::: I was just about to say “This is getting better!”
on December 15, 2010 at 9:12 pm Schnookie

Hey, you know what doesn’t suck? The Devils game! Jarhead is going to have to move in at The Rawk. Permanently.
on December 15, 2010 at 9:13 pm mcguffers

Staffy just got a hat trick, so apparently we should be watching our teams tonight.
on December 15, 2010 at 9:15 pm Myra's Hub

You guys are motivational geniuses. Kovalchuk has increased his goal scored by 40% tonight. Lou needs to give you guys a call.
on December 15, 2010 at 9:17 pm Pookie

Jarhead is going to have to move in at The Rawk. Permanently.

No kidding!

Kovalchuk has increased his goal scored by 40% tonight.

Isn’t 40% of 0 still 0? (Just kidding.)
on December 15, 2010 at 9:20 pm Schnookie

Staffy just got a hat trick, so apparently we should be watching our teams tonight.

NEVER! That would be MADNESS! :P

And if I have to get a flat tire every day in order for Kovalchuk to remember how to score, I think he’s just going to continue being a bust. Heh.
on December 15, 2010 at 9:23 pm mcguffers

It’s too effing cold to get my battery jumped every time I want the Sabres to win. It would just be easier for them to learn how to play hockey. It would probably just be easier for me to learn how to play hockey.
on December 15, 2010 at 9:26 pm Schnookie

It would just be easier for them to learn how to play hockey. It would probably just be easier for me to learn how to play hockey.

:^:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::
on December 15, 2010 at 9:26 pm mcguffers

I’m sorry, but Looch looks way too funny with his angry face sitting in the penalty box. I definitely saw him say “Pants Bad!!”
on December 15, 2010 at 9:29 pm Schnookie

I definitely saw him say “Pants Bad!!”

:^::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::: He’s like, “There’s nothing remarkable about that. It would be worth noting if I said ‘Pants good.’”
on December 15, 2010 at 9:36 pm mcguffers

It would be worth noting if I said ‘Pants good.’

:^::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

A line brawl ends the Sabres/Bruins game. There’s about 400 sticks out there. Bobby Ryan would have a field day!

Oh, and Chara’s a d-bag.
on December 15, 2010 at 9:37 pm Pookie

A d-bag witch, right?
on December 15, 2010 at 9:40 pm Pookie

By the way, what the fuck is up with the McDonald’s commercial with the people doing weird hand clapping on the table?! It’s so mindbogglingly stupid! I keep thinking I can Google it and find some explanation for why McDonald’s thought they’d make for a good commercial but no, there’s no explanation! Gah!
on December 15, 2010 at 9:51 pm mcguffers

A d-bag witch, right?

Rob Ray did say he has a big nose!

I haven’t seen this McDonald’s commercial, but now that I’m on the look out for an annoying commercial, i should see it about 7856 times.
on December 15, 2010 at 9:58 pm Schnookie

The McDonalds commercial is on every 15 seconds, so I’m confident you’ll be very familiar with it in no time. :D
on December 16, 2010 at 8:20 am Amy

The Devils won. The Sabres won. Staffy had a hat trick. It’s madness, I say. Just madness.
on December 16, 2010 at 9:24 am Mags

It’s madness, I say. Just madness.

You don’t say!

I had this discussion with my mother this morning, who’s Penguins are now mired in a 2 game losing streak (*snort*), but I’d prefer if they won a few more games by one goal than this all-or-nothing shutout shit. But beggars can’t be choosers.

Going back to yesterday Schnookie, the cookies were the chocolate covered ~~crack~~ cookies they only sell at Christmas. I have no idea what is in them that isn’t in regular cookies, but they’re amazing.
on December 16, 2010 at 9:54 am Kathleen

Oh no no no no no. I can’t believe the Ookies have infected McGuggs with Getzi fever. Now we’re all at risk. WITCHES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
on December 16, 2010 at 11:15 am Mags

How is it not dinner time yet?
on December 16, 2010 at 11:55 am mcguffers

I can’t believe the Ookies have infected McGuggs with Getzi fever. Now we’re all at risk. WITCHES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I still completely hate the Flyers and Bruins, so my immunity isn’t completely compromised!

I’m watching the Sabres/Bruins game from last night now. I forgot that I do really like these guys. … The Sabres. Still hate the Bruins. I mean really, really hate the Bruins. Chara’s a bitch.
on December 16, 2010 at 12:17 pm Mags

I forgot that I do really like these guys. … The Sabres.

Wait, stop, WHAT?! You like… The Sabres? Nooooooo. I don’t believe you.
on December 16, 2010 at 12:27 pm mcguffers

Believe me, Mags. No one is as shocked as I am. I still don’t really like Kaleta. Sorry, but I feel like in a few more years we’re going to sound like Rangers fans defending Sean Avery.
on December 16, 2010 at 12:47 pm Kathleen

I like Kaleta. I can’t help it. Kid really does have some nice moves, and he can be very good shorthanded. The d-baggery can be a little over the top, but I think it’s just youthful enthusiasm and he’ll settle down once he realises that he actually is good at stuff other than annoying the bejesus out of the opposing team.
on December 16, 2010 at 12:54 pm Kathleen

And he’s doofy but charming on his Thursay morning spot on WGR. He never pretends he doesn’t love the hitting and yapping and fighting more than anything in the world and he has a giant Lego collection that helps him Zen out (seriously). That’s adorable. I want him to be my dopey little brother.
on December 16, 2010 at 1:22 pm Amy

he has a giant Lego collection that helps him Zen out

And that just topped the Ducks laughing at CoreyPerry for failing at drawing a walrus as the oddest hockey player thing I’ve heard today.

How is it not dinner time yet?

I agree. And I just had lunch. It’s getting back into the work rhythm post-lunch that seems to be giving me troubles today.
on December 16, 2010 at 1:23 pm mcguffers

he’ll settle down once he realises that he actually is good at stuff other than annoying the bejesus out of the opposing team.

I’ll consider it my eternal pessimism, but I see him forgetting about trying to be good at hockey, and focusing more on being a pest as his reputation continues to grow. Plus his goal celebration is stupid. And anytime I actually want someone on my team to never score again, that’s bad.

If he does grow up, I’ll grudgingly accept him. But until then, I’ll keep him on my list of Sabres that aren’t Zach Parise.
on December 16, 2010 at 2:07 pm Pookie

I think it’s just youthful enthusiasm and he’ll settle down once he realises that he actually is good at stuff other than annoying the bejesus out of the opposing team.

Because Sean Avery fans have never heard themselves say that? :PPPP (Sorry, pests have taken over the spot previous held by sliding shot blocking in my list of “Things In Hockey I Hate The Most That Aren’t The Shootout”.)

I see him forgetting about trying to be good at hockey, and focusing more on being a pest as his reputation continues to grow.

Yeah, I’m inclined to agree with you, mcguffers. The list of douchebag punks who have grown into productive, non-douchey, non-punky players is pretty short. (Although the Lego thing is admittedly pretty awesome.)

I’ll keep him on my list of Sabres that aren’t Zach Parise.

:^:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::
on December 16, 2010 at 2:13 pm Kathleen

SCREEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAMMMMMMMM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

If one more of my defensemen goes down (or has to go to his grandpa’s funeral – sorry, Cody) right after I pick him up, I’m going batshit and stealing all of your defensemen I like best. Don’t ask me how. I’ll find a way.
on December 16, 2010 at 2:32 pm mcguffers

The list of douchebag punks who have grown into productive, non-douchey, non-punky players is pretty short.

Chris Neil: “Ahrroooo??”

Kathleen, I’ll trade you Shea Weber ’10-’11 if you can find and trade me Shea Weber ’09-’10.
on December 16, 2010 at 2:32 pm Kathleen

Because Sean Avery fans have never heard themselves say that?

Never.
on December 16, 2010 at 2:35 pm Kathleen

Chris Neil: “Ahrroooo??”

I don’t know why, but that made me laugh ridiculously hard.
on December 16, 2010 at 2:38 pm Kathleen

Kathleen, I’ll trade you Shea Weber ’10-’11 if you can find and trade me Shea Weber ’09-’10.

I think that location is as enigmatic as Tyler Myers ’09-’10. Hard to find, but we might be getting warmer.
on December 16, 2010 at 2:48 pm Mags

Because Sean Avery fans have never heard themselves say that?

I think Sean Avery fans can’t hear anything anyone has ever said over the sound of how awesome they think Sean Avery is.

I’m having a breakfast crisis. I’ve just realised I’m out of bread AND yogurt, so the only thing I have to eat tomorrow is kugelhopf or sticky lemon rolls. Oh, wait, what’s the opposite of a crisis?
on December 16, 2010 at 3:35 pm Pookie

I think Sean Avery fans can’t hear anything anyone has ever said over the sound of how awesome they think Sean Avery is.

:^::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::: Good point.

That crisis sounds awful!
on December 16, 2010 at 4:20 pm carolbrowne

Sorry. I laughed when I saw the flat tire. Stupid schadenfreude. But not really. Not when it’s the Ookies! NO!

What the hell are yodels? I saw this video

http://www.epicurious.com/video/holidays/holidays-christmas/1915458791/making-a-kids-yule-log-cake/1915433397

about how to make a yule log cake and thought maybe it was like a Tastykake – like thing. Also, I thought, “No way, would the Ookies ever do that.”

So déclassé for epicurious, no?
on December 16, 2010 at 4:54 pm Pookie

Wow, any recipe that the first step involves peeling the disgusting chocolate frosting off a Yodel has got to rawk. Heh. (Yodels are like tubular Ring Dings. Does that help? :D)
on December 16, 2010 at 6:30 pm Schnookie

A yule log made of peeled Yodels? Sign me up! (Wait, no, what’s the opposite of that?)

And guess whose luck has finally turned this week? Mine! I’m officially working from home tomorrow, which means that I’m not going to have to put on pants again until Monday! WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
on December 16, 2010 at 6:56 pm Kathleen

Way to Looch it up!
on December 16, 2010 at 7:33 pm Schnookie

HAHAHAHAHA! That’s EXACTLY what I’m doing. Looch ahoy!
on December 16, 2010 at 7:36 pm Myra's Hub (not in Dallas)

Yodels must be Eastern Conference especially since I still don’t know what it is since I don’t know what a Ring Ding is either. If you can’t make it with Fritos or Green Beans, I’m lost.
on December 16, 2010 at 8:00 pm Pookie

If you can’t make it with Fritos or Green Beans, I’m lost.

:^:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::: I think a Frito/Green Bean yule log would be… uh… delicious?
on December 16, 2010 at 8:32 pm Kathleen

The Islanders scored three times? Not just in one game, but in one period? My brain is so confused.
on December 16, 2010 at 8:34 pm Kathleen

Never mind. Just checked who started in goal for the Ducks. Everything makes sense now.
on December 16, 2010 at 8:47 pm Schnookie

We were finishing up with last night’s Daily Show and Colbert and then flipped to the Ducks/Islanders. There was just a little bit of confusion when we saw the score.
on December 17, 2010 at 10:49 am Mags

Hellooooo! Anyone home? How are y’all?

I’ve had a really good day! I’ve been asked to apply for a research major in Utrecht, and also for a Huygens scholarship to study abroad. This is all clashing terribly with my desire to become an accountant.
on December 17, 2010 at 11:30 am Myra

Congratulations Mags!

**warning–mom brag**

We found out yesterday that the Kid is on track for being a National Merit Scholar! She’s only in 8th grade so we still have a couple years to go before she takes the actual PSAT but still it’s good to hear!

**mom brag over**
on December 17, 2010 at 11:55 am Pookie

How exciting, Mags! And go Kid! We’re surrounded by superstars!
on December 17, 2010 at 1:09 pm carolbrowne

Mags and Myra – excellent news indeed! I love all this exciting news! And no pants til Monday. It just doesn’t get any better than this. Bring me some Yodels!

*vacation brag* – my vacation starts at 4:31 today. *vacation brag over* Heh.
on December 17, 2010 at 1:37 pm Mags

Thanks guys! And GO KID! WOOOOOO! Don’t waste those brains, mkay?

my vacation starts at 4:31 today.

With all due respect: eff you.

It apparently took the Rector Magnificus to get the faculty to give us the 24th off. I’ve got another week of school to go :(

But whatever, I’m academically awesome, so whatev ;D
on December 17, 2010 at 2:23 pm Amy

Congrats Mags! And Go Kid!
on December 17, 2010 at 6:50 pm Myra's Hub (not in Dallas)

**warning–mom brag**

Just think of the “Mom Pride” you could have shown if you had actually gone to the meeting where they handed out the results.

Of course Myra’s friends with kids would just have told her to tell them something they don’t already know.
on December 17, 2010 at 6:52 pm Schnookie

Wow! Congratulations to Mags and to Grace! WOO HOOOO!!! All that super-brainy awesomeness calls for some serious partying this weekend, right?
on December 17, 2010 at 7:17 pm Myra's Hub (not in Dallas)

I don’t think that super-brainy and serious partying are usually associated with each other. But if by serious partying you mean decorate the house for Christmas then the kid and Myra will make a go of it. I think.
on April 9, 2011 at 10:09 pm A Eulogy For The 2010-2011 Devils « Interchangeable Parts

[...] cocktails. When Schnookie got a flat tire during our December advent-calendar themed series, we said it was the Kovalchuk day. Even now, when we really have nothing left to say about the Devils, it still seems to us to be the [...]