Today at work Schnookie had a lively, wide-ranging conversation about hockey with a colleague who self-describes as a Devils fan. Typical of conversations with near-strangers at this time of year, Schnookie struggled on the subject of how much she should or shouldn’t hate the Flyers, and struggled to convey to the near-stranger how much they should hate the Caps. Eventually, after tiptoeing around the subject of why “Flyers/Rangers” is not as good an example of a playoff series in which there are no winners as, say, “Caps/Rangers”, Schnookie got the coworker to concede that there are Flyers players she would like to have on the Devils. The conversation just got weird from there:
Schnookie: “Like Beak– Mike Richards?”
Coworker: “No, not him…”
Schnookie: “Like Claude Giroux?”
Coworker: “No, not him…”
Schnookie: “Braydon Coburn??”
Coworker: “No — Jeff Carter!”
Schnookie: Leeringly, “Ooh, with his blond hair and white teeth?”
Coworker: Protesting too much, “No, I want him for his skills!”
Schnookie: “Yeah, like I’ve never said that before.”
Coworker: “No! I think he’s good! We need him for the Devils!”
Schnookie: “Well, I’d definitely want him on the Devils, but Parise and Kovalchuk are both goalscorers. In this imaginary Flyers dispersal draft, I think I want a playmaker. Like Beak– Richards.” [Shifty eyes. This is totally a hockey-related choice.]
Coworker: “Who was the playmaker who used to be with the Devils? We need that guy back.”
Schnookie: Disgusted, “Scott Gomez?”
Coworker: Equally disgusted, “No! He was done even before he left. No… who was the other guy?”
Schnookie: “???”
Coworker: “You know who I want back for the Devils? RACHUNEK!”
Schnookie: Dumbfounded.
Coworker: Beams.
Schnookie: Completely uncertain of how to respond to Rachunek and changing the subject, “You know who I want back? Pandolfo.”
Coworker: Elated, “Yes! HE was a playmaker!”
Apparently, Gentle Reader, PandoNation never even realized what it had.
