So, Brian Rafalski retired today. Hmph. We were really hoping he’d outlast Lidstrom, so the Wings would be stuck paying him $6 million a year for being solo Rafalski instead of complimentary-offensive-defenseman-to-a-first-ballot-hall-of-famer Rafalski, because we’re mean that way. Anyway, over lunch today Pookie made a horrible realization about the Devils’ vaunted champion rookie class of 2000: “Rafalski has retired. Madden’s sure to retire soon. Gomez is… Gomez. And we’re still stuck with Colin White. And it doesn’t seem like he’s going anywhere soon.” Yup. It’s hard being a Devils fan, isn’t it?
Archive for May, 2011
Why, “Red Dead Redemption”, a.k.a. “Grand Theft Horsie”, that’s what! We have completely fallen down the rabbit hole of Grand Theft Horsie, and frankly, couldn’t care less about the remainder of the playoffs. We feel that we have to say this out loud here, because “I’ve become completely obsessed with Grand Theft Horsie” wasn’t an option on the recent NHL Fan Face Off survey we took asking about the reasons for our current interest level in the playoffs. Sorry, BOLTS!, Bruins, Sharks, and Canucks — you pale in comparison to watching Pookie riding her trusty steed Dapples across the fictional terrain of New Austin, shooting lawmen and sucking at poker. See you next year, NHL.
Well, now that everything we cared about in hockey is gone — so long, Devils. Au revoir, Ducks. Godspeed, Trannies — it’s time to face the summer head-on. And what better way to do that than with a full tank of gas and a wide-open highway? Speed, freedom, the wind in our hair! It’s vacation, baby!
Ugh. Or not. We’re as bad at vacation as we were this year at the playoffs.
So, will the Caps be golfing tomorrow? Will Looch be dining on honey’d kittens tonight? Only time will tell!
If you’re anything like us, you’ve been breathlessly following Egg Pelley’s road trip across Canada on the Devils website. We don’t want the Devils site to have cooler content than IPB, though, so we sent our very own celebrity on a similar road trip, and here’s the report on his journey.
Given the green light by Zach to make this trek, Boxworthy is ready to hit the road.
Nothing’s better than being able to hit the open road and just go where the heart wants to take you, so Boxworthy was thrilled to be able to travel from the back door of stately IPB Manor to the front door, tracking his route and checking in with us as he went. “It is ever so much fun to be able to share one’s travels with Master Zach’s fans,” he said.
His focus was to get from Point A to Point B, but he wanted to share his experience with Devils fans everywhere, so he brought along a camera. Early in his trip, at the curve where the driveway blacktop meets the brick front walk, he took a moment to admire the sheer rock formation of the retaining wall cliff-face.
The scenery can be stark and impressive in the Driveway Region.
“I very much enjoyed the view when I reached the straightaways of the brick path. The vista out over the rolling prairies of front yard were truly breathtaking,” Boxworthy said.
The front yard prairies this time of year are especially beautiful, with tall dandelion scrubland as far as the turtle eye can see.
The back door to the front door is by no means a short journey, and at times can be desolate. “You must pace yourself carefully,” Boxworthy explained, “For at times you may find yourself the only living soul along the way.”
Timing stops for fuel can be tricky when there is so little sign of turtle civilization nearby.
The most challenging part of the trip was definitely the steep steps along the path. “You mustn’t push too hard or too fast up such a steep climb,” he said, “If a turtle were to flip backwards here, it could be disastrous.”
Boxworthy put all his might into advancing past these obstacles.
After such hard work, he paused to take a breather and reflect back on the distance he’d already traversed.
Boxworthy at rest.
The flats of the front walk are lined with majestic daffodils, and after his grueling climbs Boxworthy enjoyed being able to get some photos of the canopy of the daffodil forest.
It was a bright, sunny day for Boxworthy’s trip.
The shadows were growing longer as Boxworthy’s long trip wended its way closer to his final destination. “Arriving at the front door is thrilling,” he said. “I was especially excited to see the urns with their lovely spring pansies.”
Boxworthy snapped a shot of the towering front-door urns.
For a turtle, the scenery is especially imposing. He had to look straight up to be able to see the flowers at the top of the massive structures.
Taking photos or just taking a breather? Boxworthy will never tell.
After hours of hard travel on a long and lonely road, Boxworthy reached the front door. “It was a marvelous journey, and a process I appreciated greatly,” he said. He was happy to be home, though.
There’s nothing like a welcome party of friends at the end of a long journey.
This was his route from the back door:
10:22 AM The back-door welcome mat
10:30 AM The blacktop beyond the back-door concrete footer
12:30 PM Pookie’s car
1:37 PM The retaining wall cliffs
1:50 PM The brick front path
2:42 PM The first step of the front path
4:14 PM The second step of the front path
5:18 PM The third step of the front path
6:03 PM The front flagstone step of the front porch
6:24 PM The pansy urns at the front door
6:40 PM The front doorjamb
6:53 PM Inside the front door
Total: 75 feet