Dude, everyone else in the league fired their coaches today, and the Devils didn’t? It’s madness! How does something like this happen? We’ve got no beef with DeBoer, but honestly, we must not let there be a coach-firing gap. Lou, get on it. You’re starting to look like you’ve lost your edge.
Archive for November, 2011
DeBoer vs. the Panthers! WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!
It’s reassuring to know that no matter what happens in this game, no one other than the very select few who watch Devils/Panthers games will notice.
Tonight we get to see this newfangled “trap” that we hear is recently killing hockey. Oh, those dastardly BLOTS! — what will they think of next? We should have expected nothing less than a revolutionary weaponized version of hockey from a head coach who looks as much like a Bond supervillain as Guy Boucher. Here’s hoping that DeBoer has more ideas for how to combat this nefarious defensive scheme than Peter Laviolette did. Also, here’s hoping that this 1-3-1 bomb of previously unfathomed boredom is truly as shocking and unheard-of as the frenzy it sparked a few weeks ago would suggest. Because if it just turns out to be the same trap everyone’s been playing for the last 20 years, we’re going to be very disappointed.
WOO HOO! We’re home tonight, and totally psyched for some hot Devils action! We’re sure their sassy awesomeness on Saturday had nothing to do with how we weren’t watching, right?
Our big note about tonight’s matchup is that no matter how many times we read the headline from Fire & Ice today about the Devils facing the reigning Stanley Cup champions, we still had to think long and hard about which team that meant. Sorry, Bruins — you really don’t resonate with us as super-cool champs.
Life at stately IPB Manor is normally a lot like being in a Noel Coward play, with the elegant dress, high-class decor, and zingy witticisms. But some evenings we’re all maybe just a bit off our games — a bit tired, a bit dull, a bit not paying any attention to each other. But from great disconnect can come great possibilities; just imagine how much more interesting the hockey world would be if it was like what Boomer thought she heard this evening.
The scene: our living room, 11:30 pm on Friday night, with the Ducks/Canucks first intermission on TV. The Ducks announcers are talking about how great the Sedins are.
Schnookie: “And they’re creepy.”
Pookie: “I was reading about the Winkelvoss twins today.”
Schnookie: “Speaking of creepy.”
Pookie: “No kidding.”
Schnookie: “What were you reading?”
Pookie: “Oh, it was some thing about how they won a $200 million settlement about Facebook, but it was all in stock, which they claimed was deliberately undervalued. So now they’re suing for $600 million, but they don’t want the money. They just want to beat Zuckerberg, because they’re ultra-competitive douches.”
Schnookie, not really paying attention halfway through that: “Huh.”
Boomer, only just now tuning in: “What did they get $200 million for?”
Pookie: “They claim they invented Facebook and Mark Zuckerberg stole it from them.”
Long, stunned pause.
Boomer, completely incredulous: “The Sedins invented Facebook???”
Boomer: “My fantasy team should be getting a lot more for them if that’s true.”
Join us for some hot, hot Land Zhark action in tonight’s Devils-Caps game!
What wonders does tonight’s Devils/Canes game have in store for us all? Let’s find out!