Our Awesome Back-Up Plan

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Our Awesome Back-Up Plan

March 23, 2012 by Schnookie

The other day we were discussing the Devils future over lunch and decided it’s time to start girding ourselves for the possibility of a Zachless existence. It sounds terrible, doesn’t it? What could possibly make that more sufferable? Well, Gentle Reader, you know us — we’re always thinking. And we’ve got a solution that will help not only the Devils but also another favorite team of ours.

If Lou can’t re-sign Zach, he should trade for Ryan Getzlaf. Seriously! We’d love to see Getzi getting to set up Kovalchuk. They’d be an unstoppable scoring machine, and if they weren’t that, then Getzi would be aimless, cranky, and his shirt would fall off a lot, which is almost as good. So, what would the Ducks want in exchange for their captain? Perhaps a return to their glory days of gooning their way to the Stanley Cup, right? Right! So, how can the Devils give them that? Two words: Boulton. Janssen.

WE KNOW! Genius.

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Posted in Ask The Experts, Devils Miscellany, Free Agency, Insightful Hockey Commentary, IPB's Can't-Miss Predictions, Naked, Ryan Getzlaf, This Is No Laughing Matter | 91 Comments

91 Responses

on March 23, 2012 at 8:08 pm suenj97

If you can’t score on the Leafs, you can’t score.

Somehow, this isn’t a shock.

Looking at your back-up plan, even for a team that ha been as brawl-ific as the Ducks, it’s difficult to think of Janssen and Boulton as ‘helping’ a team.
on March 23, 2012 at 8:19 pm Schnookie

I’d like to say I’m shocked that the Leafs scored first, but it was pretty inevitable, wasn’t it? I mean, even Gel-O and Chico saw it coming.

And OF COURSE Boulton and Janssen won’t actually help the Ducks, but they don’t have to know that!
on March 23, 2012 at 8:19 pm Pookie

it’s difficult to think of Janssen and Boulton as ‘helping’ a team.

Shh! The Ducks don’t know that!
on March 23, 2012 at 8:20 pm Pookie

What the funfetti?! This game blows. Good thing I’m on vacation and don’t care. ::sniffle::
on March 23, 2012 at 8:20 pm Schnookie

Oh for fuck’s sake.

Is it just me, or have the Devils done better lately with Hedberg in net?
on March 23, 2012 at 8:27 pm Schnookie

WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Josefson! Finally! He might become a jetplane after all!
on March 23, 2012 at 8:28 pm Pookie

[insert jetplane noises here]
on March 23, 2012 at 8:29 pm suenj97

That is a shock. Josefson. I thought he was doomed to never score.
on March 23, 2012 at 8:35 pm Schnookie

I actually was beginning to think that Josefson not scoring was a clear indication that the Devils were going to win the Cup this year. He was TOTALLY being set up for his first (and only) goal of the year to be the OT Stanley Cup winner. So I guess we’re not winning it all now?
on March 23, 2012 at 8:38 pm suenj97

So I guess we’re not winning it all now?

I’m still trying to decide whether NJ is going to lose the rest of their games and miss the playoffs.
on March 23, 2012 at 8:51 pm EJGRgunner

http://jetplaness.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/12/Jj-The-Jet-Plane.jpg
on March 23, 2012 at 8:53 pm Pookie

Wow, how’d Josefson get away with having his headshot taken without Lou’s signature suit-and-tie look?
on March 23, 2012 at 8:53 pm Schnookie

My god, gunner, that looks just like him! That’s almost uncanny.
on March 23, 2012 at 8:55 pm suenj97

Needs dimples, though.
on March 23, 2012 at 9:01 pm Schnookie

What was that you were saying about losing out, Sue?
on March 23, 2012 at 9:03 pm suenj97

It certainly looks possible. If you lose to the Leafs…
on March 23, 2012 at 9:08 pm Schnookie

Zach doesn’t want to lose out! He’s got his free agency to be thinking of! :P
on March 23, 2012 at 9:15 pm suenj97

What, did they ‘hear’ us?
on March 23, 2012 at 9:15 pm Schnookie

WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
on March 23, 2012 at 9:17 pm suenj97

Ummm…I didn’t know they were supposed to stop play when the goalie loses his glove. I know about the helmet. Not the glove.
on March 23, 2012 at 9:20 pm Schnookie

Yeah, stopping play for the glove is suspect. Hmph.
on March 23, 2012 at 9:42 pm Schnookie

That shootout was shameful, Marty.
on March 23, 2012 at 9:44 pm suenj97

OK, this was the most implausible of all outcomes…that NJ would come back only to lose in the shootout. Can I fire Marty?
on March 23, 2012 at 9:46 pm suenj97

I think they need to sit Marty next game. I’d like to see Hedberg get a few more starts. Not that it will happen.
on March 23, 2012 at 9:46 pm Pookie

Can I fire Marty?

Can I fire Marty after you finish firing him?
on March 23, 2012 at 9:49 pm suenj97

Can I fire Marty after you finish firing him?

Absolutely.

Marty, you’re fired.

Pookie, go ahead.
on March 23, 2012 at 10:16 pm Schnookie

Absolutely.

Marty, you’re fired.

Pookie, go ahead.

:^::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::
It’s funny because it’s true.
on March 25, 2012 at 5:09 pm Myra's Hub

What no avalanche of acorns on IPB?
on March 25, 2012 at 6:46 pm suenj97

No amount of acorns can help NJ now.

So, DeBoer has used the return of Travis to completely redo the top 3 forward lines with about 7 games to go. It really can’t get worse, so I don’t blame him. Interesting that Zach stayed on the ’1st’ line, not Kovy. Patty is with Zach and Travis is with Kovy.

I wonder how many shifts this will last
on March 25, 2012 at 7:03 pm Schnookie

Whoa, Travis comes back today??? We were too busy being industrious gardeners and quilters today to get to appropriately welcome him back. This is terrible! He was probably expecting an exuberant shower of acorns.
on March 25, 2012 at 7:10 pm Schnookie

Well, thank goodness we didn’t waste a shower of acorns on this crappy crap so far. (Honestly, why doesn’t Hedberg get to start more?)
on March 25, 2012 at 7:10 pm Schnookie

And what’s with the white balance on our feed tonight? It looks like they set their cameras to “sepia”.
on March 25, 2012 at 7:16 pm Schnookie

WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! That’s better!
on March 25, 2012 at 7:17 pm suenj97

OK, so that’s a ‘gift’ goal for each team.

Maybe now NJ will wake up. I won’t bet on it.
on March 25, 2012 at 7:41 pm Schnookie

Ugh.
on March 25, 2012 at 8:04 pm Pookie

I was expecting the Devils to be down by five at this point, so I’ll count this as a victory, so far.
on March 25, 2012 at 8:28 pm Schnookie

I feel like the truck had no idea what Chico wants to talk about, and vice versa. This is making for a particularly “WTF is Chico going on about now?” broadcast tonight.
on March 25, 2012 at 8:35 pm suenj97

So, if Travis weren’t winning all these faeoff, NJ would be down 6-1?
on March 25, 2012 at 8:42 pm Schnookie

So, if Travis weren’t winning all these faeoff, NJ would be down 6-1?

:^::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::: It seems that way.

And wait, that statue out front is commemorating, among other things, Mario Lemieux’s humility???? I will admit that there are lots of things to praise him for (as a hockey player), but I didn’t realize humility was one of them.
on March 25, 2012 at 8:49 pm Patty (in Dallas)

Surely people who compliment Lemieux on his humility are doing a bit. It’s like calling the big guy Tiny. Right?
on March 25, 2012 at 8:53 pm Schnookie

Surely people who compliment Lemieux on his humility are doing a bit. It’s like calling the big guy Tiny. Right?

:^:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::
:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::
::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::: Okay, that literally made me laugh out loud. It’s really the only explanation that makes any sense.
on March 25, 2012 at 8:55 pm suenj97

Humility? Mario?

I will say this. He could have decided to go elsewhere, he didn’t. That’s not humility, though.

Also, he didn’t have to do what he did as owner of the Penguins – but he was one of their major creditors. They were going to owe him lots of $$$ (deferred salary) in bankrupty whether they stayed in Pittburgh or not. What he did was ensure that the bankruptcy they did go through kept the team in the city and also that all the creditors were paid in full – which doesn’t always happen. But, again, that’s not humility.
on March 25, 2012 at 9:11 pm Schnookie

But, again, that’s not humility.

:^:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::: Yeah. And I completely understand, if you’re a fan of the Pens, that he’s the several-times-over savior of the franchise. But as a non-Pens fan, I have to say a wee bit of cynicism creeps in that he wasn’t working so hard to keep the Pens in Pittsburgh just out of the kindness of his heart. :P

Oh, and it was kitten playtime, so I wasn’t in the room to say WOOOOOOOOOO! back when it was relevant.
on March 25, 2012 at 9:18 pm Patty (in Dallas)

I was about to say WOOOOOOO but I had to backspace it all out. :P

EEEEEE! Kittens!
on March 25, 2012 at 9:30 pm Schnookie

Ew. This game ended up much how I expected it would. (It has done nothing to ease my crippling tension headache. Come ON, Devils. Throw me a bone here!)
on March 25, 2012 at 9:52 pm Pookie

I was about to say WOOOOOOO but I had to backspace it all out. :P

That should be the tagline for this blog. Or my life motto. One or the other.
on March 26, 2012 at 11:33 am Mike in Idaho

Where’s the goalie controversy already?
And don’t look now but the Elias Sports Bureau has reached the final 4 of fantasy hockey world. Let’s just say this week is not a good week to be a spork, even if you are from the future.
on March 26, 2012 at 1:08 pm Carol Browne

Hey Ookies, were you guys baffled by this?

http://www.nj.com/news/index.ssf/2012/03/nj_residents_baffled_over_stra.html

Just keeping on top of the New Jersey news over here. Also, it had “gas” in the article, so I had to read all about it. POOT!
on March 26, 2012 at 7:07 pm Schnookie

Let’s just say this week is not a good week to be a spork, even if you are from the future.

YOU WISH! It’s going to take the Elias Sports Bureau a month to count the shallow, wide tine marks up its back!

Carol, I love that news story! Unfortunately, I didn’t get a chance to be baffled by the industrial farting going on in Union. So sad.
on March 27, 2012 at 11:43 am Mike in Idaho

I’m calling it now, Hedberg starts = Devils win, Brodeur starts = 4-2 loss.
on March 27, 2012 at 7:10 pm Pookie

Mike, I’m sad to say that I think you’re on to something!

Also, this game is starting off terribly! I’m on vacation and when I get back to work I have to start thinking about planning an hour-long presentation I have to make at a big statewide conference being held at a new resort in AC. So why do the Devils insist on showing commercials for said new resort in AC?! It’s like the Devils don’t want me to enjoy my vacation! Those bastards!
on March 27, 2012 at 7:29 pm suenj97

It’s like the Devils don’t want me to enjoy my vacation!

They probably figure, anyone who is watching us, can’t be doing this for fun.

Really, their theme song should be Tom Lehrer’s “The Masochism Tango”.
on March 27, 2012 at 7:36 pm Schnookie

WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Perfect timing, Devils — I just sat down with my dinner!

They probably figure, anyone who is watching us, can’t be doing this for fun.

Really, their theme song should be Tom Lehrer’s “The Masochism Tango”

:^:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::: I constantly feel like Waldorf and Statler, watching this team. :D
on March 27, 2012 at 7:39 pm EJGRgunner

Really, their theme song should be Tom Lehrer’s “The Masochism Tango”.

Yah, but the masochism tango is about having fun. Gory, painful fun, but fun nonetheless.

Watching the Devils is more like Hurt by Nine Inch Nails.
on March 27, 2012 at 7:41 pm Schnookie

Watching the Devils is more like Hurt by Nine Inch Nails.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! That explains why I stopped listening to Nine Inch Nails all the time almost immediately after becoming a Devils fan — I just didn’t need the music anymore because I was living it all through sports.
on March 27, 2012 at 8:04 pm Schnookie

Is it just me, or do the Devils look like they think 1 goal’s going to be enough tonight?
on March 27, 2012 at 8:07 pm suenj97

It looks like they are telling Marty 1 goal is all he’s going to get.
on March 27, 2012 at 8:08 pm Schnookie

Chico’s calling Harrold “Lloyd” again! I love that he’s a silent comedy fan!
on March 27, 2012 at 8:12 pm Pookie

I hope the Devils specifically told Larsson to sit up top and watch the d-men on the Blackhawks. Like, “Kid, watching the dolts in red will only give you bad ideas about how to play hockey, so check out the studs in white! Look at how they don’t give up any goals!”
on March 27, 2012 at 8:18 pm suenj97

I’m always shocke to see that O’Donnell i still being paid to play in the NHL and isn’t fossilized in retirement yet.

Larsson…don’t watch O’Donnell. Not him. O’Donnell bad.
on March 27, 2012 at 8:27 pm Schnookie

Larsson…don’t watch O’Donnell. Not him. O’Donnell bad.

:^::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::: I have to laugh because otherwise I’d cry. The thought of Larsson trying to learn from O’Donnell chills me to the bone…

And the vuvuzela in the crowd has me feeling like it’s the World Cup all over again. What an unexpectedly festive touch tonight!
on March 27, 2012 at 8:27 pm EJGRgunner

Helping veterans get jobs is great and all, but why the hell are we talking about it in the middle of a penalty kill?
on March 27, 2012 at 8:30 pm EJGRgunner

Also, why the hell did Kovalchuk just dump half a bottle of water on the floor of the penalty box?
on March 27, 2012 at 8:35 pm suenj97

Also, why the hell did Kovalchuk just dump half a bottle of water on the floor of the penalty box?

Kovy, “Waiter, I ordered sparkling water, not still.”
on March 27, 2012 at 8:56 pm Schnookie

Also, why the hell did Kovalchuk just dump half a bottle of water on the floor of the penalty box?

That was the bad half.
on March 27, 2012 at 9:04 pm Pookie

I was trying to think up some glass-half-full joke but the Devils have killed any optimistic thoughts I might have ever had.
on March 27, 2012 at 9:05 pm Schnookie

Wow — it’s hard to believe that sitting on a one-goal lead all evening wasn’t going to pay off for the Devils.
on March 27, 2012 at 9:27 pm suenj97

The only thing more shocking than yet another overtime is that they didn’t lose it in the 3rd.
on March 27, 2012 at 9:34 pm Schnookie

I wonder if Marty’s going to try stopping any of these shootout attempts tonight.
on March 27, 2012 at 9:42 pm Schnookie

I’m not sure this is a win I’m going to want to re-watch over and over again.
on March 29, 2012 at 7:10 pm Schnookie

Good grief — the Devils can clinch tonight? Where has this season gone???
on March 29, 2012 at 7:33 pm suenj97

Ah, I jut heard the explanation of how they can clinch. I missed it before…I had an early evening phone screen. Did I mention I hate job hunting? Well, I see the (former) Habs GM has joined me in the job search.
on March 29, 2012 at 7:36 pm Schnookie

I’m so sorry that you’re still stuck job hunting, but a phone screen is good news, right? I hope it was for a fun job and that you get it! (Needless to say.)

Well, I see the (former) Habs GM has joined me in the job search.

:^:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::: Is it at all reassuring to know that your resume is better than his?
on March 29, 2012 at 7:40 pm Schnookie

I like the way Chico has spent this period tiptoeing around the obvious fact that the Devils are in their annual swoon. Even he can’t sugarcoat it anymore.
on March 29, 2012 at 7:48 pm suenj97

Is it at all reassuring to know that your resume is better than his?

Hmmm…maybe I should check w/each potential employer, “Are you interviewing Pierre Gauthier for this position?”

About the Devils’ swoon, someone needs to point out to Chico that they now worse than a Southern belle whose laces have been pulled too tight.
on March 29, 2012 at 7:58 pm Schnookie

Hmmm…maybe I should check w/each potential employer, “Are you interviewing Pierre Gauthier for this position?”

:^::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::: If they are, you know you’re golden!

someone needs to point out to Chico that they now worse than a Southern belle whose laces have been pulled too tight.

:^:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::: You’re on fire! And it’s an apt comparison, considering the Devils are giving me vapors.
on March 29, 2012 at 8:03 pm Schnookie

WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!! Zubrus is an unstoppable goal-scoring machine again!
on March 29, 2012 at 8:05 pm Schnookie

Ugh, never mind.
on March 29, 2012 at 8:05 pm suenj97

it’s an apt comparison, considering the Devils are giving me vapors.

Claude wanted me to let you know that they are giving him vapors. He’s finding it difficult to nap the way a cat should.
on March 29, 2012 at 8:11 pm Schnookie

Claude wanted me to let you know that they are giving him vapors. He’s finding it difficult to nap the way a cat should.

That is a TRAVESTY! Any time a cat can’t get all of his necessary napping in is an outrage. The Devils should be ashamed of themselves.

And WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! I wasn’t in the room when the goal was scored — clearly I need to spend the rest of the game in the bathroom.
on March 29, 2012 at 8:22 pm Schnookie

Honestly, a Ryan Malone hat trick? SERIOUSLY? I don’t think I’m ever going to be able to nap the way a cat should either.

Wait, no! WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!
on March 29, 2012 at 8:23 pm suenj97

There’s no defense or goaltending. For either side.
on March 29, 2012 at 8:26 pm Schnookie

WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
on March 29, 2012 at 8:29 pm suenj97

DeBoer, don’t argue w/them. We don’t want them to replace Roloson. Your team can score on him.
on March 29, 2012 at 8:32 pm Schnookie

We don’t want them to replace Roloson. Your team can score on him.

For reals. If they want to take forever deciding to keep Roloson in the game, that’s fine with me.
on March 29, 2012 at 8:57 pm Schnookie

I’m so glad they stuck with Roloson!
on March 29, 2012 at 9:02 pm suenj97

So are the Devils.
on March 29, 2012 at 9:03 pm Schnookie

Man, did they have to switch goalies? I liked the status quo.
on March 29, 2012 at 9:07 pm suenj97

The Pens are losing to the Isles again, 4-1. They destroy everyone else but they are impotent (love that word) against the Isles…
on March 29, 2012 at 9:11 pm suenj97

Man, did they have to switch goalies? I liked the status quo.

Yeah, I know. I think TB was trying to spare Roloson. Doesn’t help us, though.
on March 29, 2012 at 9:21 pm Schnookie

They destroy everyone else but they are impotent (love that word) against the Isles…

:^:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::: The more Penguin impotence the better!