You know what’s been hard during these long months of lockout-induced hockey privation? Having no socially-acceptable outlet for our hate. When you’re a sports fan it’s considered normal to violently hate an entity of an opposing team, including all the players and managers associated with it, any animals or historical figures that serve as its mascot, any colors it claims as its own, and especially anyone who has the gall and/or stupidity to cheer for it. This is a lot of hate a fan can carry in their heart, and no one thinks twice about it. But when you don’t have a sports outlet for your hate, it starts to look unseemly. But you know what? There’s no getting rid of it once the hate starts, and now that the Rangers and Flyers and Caps and Canada aren’t there for us to wish ill on, we’ve had to turn our bitter bile onto other subjects. And what’s drawn our ire in 2012? Well, here are the top three:
1. Cassadee Pope. Anyone else here watching “The Voice” during the lockout? Because that’s become our new obsession. And about midway through this season Schnookie declared, after another typically shrill, bombastically-phrased, “pop-rock” performance, that Cassadee Pope is “worse than Hitler”. And it seems that America is very fond of Hitler, because she just keeps on trucking, and will likely win next week. Ugh. America is apparently incredibly stupid and has terrible taste in music, because Cassadee Pope is so bad she’s like if Hitler played for the Rangers, but worse. That is not an exaggeration.
2. The new iTunes. If you’re also an iTunes user, have you made the mistake of upgrading yet? Because it’s maddeningly bad. Just awful, awful, awful, and we can’t seem to find anyone else online complaining about it. Why is that? Is the rest of the iTunes-using universe really completely enamored of a system that makes absolutely no sense at all? We’ve been happy iTunes users for years and years, and suddenly we both feel like some kid’s grandmother who’s logging on for the first time. Who thought such a counterintuitive, opaque, inscrutable format was a good idea, especially when its been a platform that has lapped its competitors for years because of its obvious usability? Fuck you, Apple! This new iTunes is like what Hitler would use if he was the DJ for the Rangers at a team party, and he really wanted to spin a bunch of Cassadee Pope tunes.
3. That KCRW took down the HD, standalone video of the Afghan Whigs doing “Mean Sleep” with Van Hunt. Sure, you can still hear it if you listen to or watch their entire “Morning Becomes Eclectic” appearance (it’s the second-to-last song), but it’s not in HD! And it’s not standalone, so we can’t just randomly queue it up when we’re looking for a musical pick-me-up or earhole cleanse, like, say, after we’ve just watched Cassadee Pope perform on “The Voice”. We’d make some kind of tasteless Hitler joke about this, but we don’t want KCRW to get mad and take the whole performance down entirely.