Oh NHL Scheduler, You Scamp

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Oh NHL Scheduler, You Scamp

February 3, 2013 by Schnookie

Wait, the Devils are playing this afternoon? Since when??

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Posted in Open Thread | 76 Comments

76 Responses

on February 3, 2013 at 3:12 pm suenj97

Well, the Devils have shown up in LI and have taken the ice. I’m not sure I’d call it ‘playing’. Not after what I saw yesterday.
on February 3, 2013 at 3:17 pm suenj97

Zubrus is fired. Twice.
on February 3, 2013 at 3:25 pm Schnookie

I’m so not sorry to have missed yesterday’s game. Heh.

And what is up with the ridiculous special teams stats for the Islanders? Why are they not being Islandersy?
on February 3, 2013 at 3:30 pm Schnookie

Every Knicks commercial that MSG plays that isn’t the one from earlier this season with “Paper Money” in the background is a slap in the face reminding me of what a waste the lockout was. And that’s my story.
on February 3, 2013 at 3:31 pm suenj97

Sigh. Travis is fired.
on February 3, 2013 at 3:34 pm suenj97

Why are they not being Islandersy

Apparently all that time finishing in the bottom five finally paid off. Shocking, I know. I was just waiting for Snow to catch Milbury-itis and start trading all their young guys away. I guess it’s not as contageous as I thought.
on February 3, 2013 at 3:42 pm Schnookie

I’m getting the feeling that JJ the Jetplane isn’t quite as good a puck handler in traffic that he thinks he is.
on February 3, 2013 at 4:04 pm suenj97

Did Chico just call Nabokov Khabibulin?
on February 3, 2013 at 4:07 pm Schnookie

So what, exactly, does Barch bring to the table here? Is it because we don’t have enough other guys to stand around getting punched in the face by opposing players?
on February 3, 2013 at 4:07 pm suenj97

Barch is fired.
on February 3, 2013 at 4:09 pm suenj97

So what, exactly, does Barch bring to the table here?

I guess he takes unsportsmanlike minors.

I thought we had Clarkson for that.
on February 3, 2013 at 4:10 pm suenj97

BTW, there’s a L&O marathon on TNT today.
on February 3, 2013 at 4:12 pm Schnookie

BTW, there’s a L&O marathon on TNT today.

Oooh, good thinking, TNT! Of course, we have the whole series on DVD, so we can have a L&O marathon EVERY SINGLE DAY!
on February 3, 2013 at 4:15 pm suenj97

Larsson is fired.
on February 3, 2013 at 4:30 pm Schnookie

I love when Chico says, of a 0-0 game, “From the outside, you might think this is a boring game.” Because it always prompts a chorus of, “And you’d be right!”s from us. It’s never not funny.

Also, Volchenkov is fired.
on February 3, 2013 at 4:31 pm suenj97

Thanks, I was tired of firing people. I feel like I’ve fired about 1/4 of the team today.
on February 3, 2013 at 5:08 pm suenj97

Well, it’s not a NJ penalty, but now they’ll torture us with that awful PP. It’s not much of a trade-off.
on February 3, 2013 at 5:09 pm suenj97

Is it my imagination or is the entire NJ team just getting stupider before our eyes?
on February 3, 2013 at 5:14 pm Mike in Idaho

I love when Chico says, of a 0-0 game, “From the outside, you might think this is a boring game.” Because it always prompts a chorus of, “And you’d be right!”s from us. It’s never not funny.

“From the inside too!” is also applicable here.
on February 3, 2013 at 5:29 pm Schnookie

“From the inside too!” is also applicable here.

:^:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::: Why didn’t we think of that??

And WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!! Steve Bernier is a beast!
on February 3, 2013 at 5:32 pm suenj97

I know it’s practically heresy (and that Chico will track me down have me killed) but I’d play Hedberg on Tuesday against the Rangers. He’s looked better than Marty.
on February 3, 2013 at 5:45 pm Mike in Idaho

I completely agree Sue! Too bad we know it will never happen.
on February 3, 2013 at 6:36 pm Myra's Hub

So what, exactly, does Barch bring to the table here?

We in Dallas were always trying to figure that out. He best ability seems to be starting a fight when his team has the puck.
on February 3, 2013 at 7:40 pm Schnookie

He best ability seems to be starting a fight when his team has the puck.

:^:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::: AWESOME! Just what we needed!
on February 4, 2013 at 4:05 pm mcguffers

He best ability seems to be starting a fight when his team has the puck.

I keep laughing at this because I’m picturing his agent using this as a selling point to some idiot GM. There’d normally be a Brian Burke joke, but the Leafs have ruined that for me. Jerks.

My day is freaking destroyed. I went to click on “Play Season 6 Episode 1″ of L&O and 45 seconds in I realized I’ve entered the Benjamin Bratt Era!! Those stupid Julia Roberts episodes are coming!! Fucking travesty. Or as my phone autocorrects it, ducking gravestones.
on February 4, 2013 at 7:36 pm suenj97

45 seconds in I realized I’ve entered the Benjamin Bratt Era

Arghhh!!! Yes, one of the low points…His character was completely annoying and I kept hoping someone (like Chris Noth) would appear and beat him to a pulp. Logan was pretty willing to punch anyone. The only cop on the original L&O I found more annoying was the woman they had on for a season with Ed Green after Lenny Briscoe retired.
on February 5, 2013 at 12:12 am mcguffers

The only cop on the original L&O I found more annoying was the woman they had on for a season with Ed Green after Lenny Briscoe retired.

AHHHHHHHH!!!!! I forgot about her!!! She was the WORST!! My dad (who is the least judgmental and sweetest person I know) even said, “Ya gotta wonder what she did to get on this show. She’s just… not… good. At all.”
on February 5, 2013 at 4:27 pm Schnookie

Oh dear. It sounds like we’ve got a horrible cop coming up over the horizon. We… haven’t gotten to that part yet. (I didn’t mind Benjamin Bratt, because he’s easy on the eyes. I mean, so was Chris Noth, but still. I’m shallow.)
on February 5, 2013 at 7:12 pm suenj97

Zubrus is fired. Already. I see the stupidity is carrying over from game to game, again.
on February 5, 2013 at 7:18 pm Pookie

WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!! Henrique? Not fired.
on February 5, 2013 at 7:19 pm Schnookie

WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!! I was just about to say that one thing the lockout managed not to dampen is my hatred of the Rangers. That goal was EXTRA sweet.
on February 5, 2013 at 7:23 pm suenj97

Bernier’s fired. Henrique, as you pointed out, is not. Yet.
on February 5, 2013 at 7:29 pm Myra's Hub

one thing the lockout managed not to dampen is my hatred of the Rangers.

We are with you on the NY Ranger hate. The Turncoats might be a more appropriate name.
on February 5, 2013 at 7:31 pm Schnookie

High five, Myra’s Hub! Ranger haters rule!
on February 5, 2013 at 7:32 pm suenj97

Blandy Greene is fired. Is there any way to de-stupid these guys?
on February 5, 2013 at 7:34 pm suenj97

Torts: “This is not a thinking game”

Well, NJ specializes in not thinking. So, is that a good thing?
on February 5, 2013 at 7:39 pm Schnookie

WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! As if to prove that there’s no place in hockey for thinking, David Clarkson continues to be awesome. Heh.
on February 5, 2013 at 7:39 pm Schnookie

Wow, Rick Nash looked to be worth every penny there.
on February 5, 2013 at 7:40 pm Pookie

In Columbus Nash was so cute and cuddly. It’s amazing how skanky he looks just by putting on a Rangers jersey.
on February 5, 2013 at 8:06 pm EJGRgunner

Asham has played for all the division teams.
on February 5, 2013 at 8:08 pm suenj97

Asham has played for all the division teams.

Yep. And I have no idea why that many teams have signed him.
on February 5, 2013 at 8:21 pm Schnookie

It really is hard to fathom why that many teams have wanted Asham. Especially teams who were playing against him 6-8 times a season. Like, they couldn’t even claim ignorance.
on February 5, 2013 at 8:24 pm suenj97

I think NJ signed him because Sutter wanted him, which looking back on it, should have been a warning to all of us. I don’t know what the other teams’ excuses were.
on February 5, 2013 at 8:54 pm Schnookie

WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!! Less think! More Clarkson! (Gee, is that guy in a contract year or what?)
on February 5, 2013 at 8:57 pm suenj97

Less think! More Clarkson!

David can always guarantee that won’t be a problem.

Gee, is that guy in a contract year or what?

Yes, and somewhere, as he watches this game, Sather is preparing his UFA offer.
on February 5, 2013 at 9:06 pm Schnookie

Sather will give him 15 years, $180 million. Because he’s a brilliant GM.
on February 5, 2013 at 9:11 pm Schnookie

Did Dano just tell the Devils to side on the err of caution?
on February 5, 2013 at 9:22 pm suenj97

Probably. Now that Doc is gone, this is what we look for in our broadcast team…complete nonsense.
on February 5, 2013 at 9:26 pm Schnookie

I like Chico’s outrage at the mention of Greta Garbo. It’s like he’s offended at the thought that both faces on Prawn’s mask aren’t Ingrid Bergman.
on February 5, 2013 at 9:27 pm Schnookie

This game has been delightful!
on February 5, 2013 at 9:32 pm suenj97

This was a nice game. I fired less than 1/4 of the roster…and although it’s totally secondary to the win, Prawn must be fuming.
on February 5, 2013 at 9:32 pm Pookie

I agree, that game was way more delightful than I was expecting!

I wonder what’s on the other side of Prawn’s mask….
on February 5, 2013 at 9:34 pm suenj97

BTW, Ranger fans are complaining that Del Zotto is a moron. He can’t be stupider than Clarkson and, according to their coach, isn’t that a feature, not a bug?
on February 5, 2013 at 10:19 pm Schnookie

He can’t be stupider than Clarkson and, according to their coach, isn’t that a feature, not a bug?

:^:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

I cannot tell a lie — Del Zotto’s fall from grace has been a wonder to behold.
on February 7, 2013 at 7:15 pm Schnookie

Poor Zubrus tonight — he’s clearly afraid of being fired, so he begged out of the lineup.
on February 7, 2013 at 8:12 pm suenj97

Once again, Henrique is not fired. Yet.
on February 7, 2013 at 8:16 pm Schnookie

Henrique will NEVER be fired! He’s too dreamy.
on February 7, 2013 at 8:17 pm Schnookie

Okay, that stat about Marty’s wins is awesome.
on February 7, 2013 at 8:18 pm Pookie

I wonder if Columbus will ever catch him. Heh heh heh.
on February 7, 2013 at 8:20 pm suenj97

I miised it…what was it…which teams have fewer wins in their existance than Marty does in his career?
on February 7, 2013 at 8:36 pm Schnookie

Hm. We were in the kitchen (planting lettuce! EEEEEEEEEEEEE! Garden starting!), and when we come back — Tampa’s scored. BOOO!
on February 7, 2013 at 8:39 pm Pookie

Chuckles? Not fired.

Uh, which teams… Anaheim, Tampa Bay, Columbus, Atlanta, Winnipeg, Minnesota… I think that’s it? Columbus had the fewest, I think about half as many as Marty.
on February 7, 2013 at 9:23 pm suenj97

The James Bond villian/coach is not happy.
on February 7, 2013 at 9:25 pm suenj97

I don’t know why he’s so upset. Hasn’t he seen NJ’s PP?
on February 7, 2013 at 9:28 pm Schnookie

I like this game!
on February 7, 2013 at 9:31 pm Schnookie

Although we should be careful with the Bond supervillain. At this rate, The Rawk’s going to be obliterated by lasers shooting out from a volcanic lair or something.
on February 7, 2013 at 9:32 pm suenj97

I do, too. Elias should as well. He has a goal and two assists.

I’m not sure why Clarkson’s getting the penalty for diving. Don’t the refs know he is incapable of staying upright even when no one touches him?
on February 7, 2013 at 9:34 pm suenj97

Bleh. NJ seems to be celebrating early. Only we’re allowed to do that.
on February 7, 2013 at 9:35 pm Schnookie

Don’t the refs know he is incapable of staying upright even when no one touches him?

:^:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::: That’s a solid defense, actually. “But Ref, he’s always making an idiot of himself. Just spontaneously. That probably had nothing to do with the hook!”
on February 8, 2013 at 12:36 pm Mike in Idaho

I don’t know what the matter with me is, I can’t make fun of Clarkson as easy as I used to. Somewhere along the way, he turned into a productive member of this team and doesn’t seem to fall down as often as before. A week or two ago when he got in a fight, I was actually worried he would injure himself and wondered how the team would replace his offense. What’s happening to me???
on February 8, 2013 at 6:00 pm suenj97

What’s happening to me???

You’ve caught a mild case of Clarksonitis. It will wear off when he goes into a slump.
on February 8, 2013 at 9:28 pm Myra's Hub

What no one here to talk about the Stars? I hate people who have lives.
on February 8, 2013 at 10:16 pm Schnookie

We’re watching the Stars! What’s going ON with the studio guy’s hair? Is he trying to mold it into the shape of a unicorn horn or something?
on February 8, 2013 at 10:36 pm Schnookie

Oh, and I should add that we do NOT have lives. We just took a long time eating dinner tonight and failed to log on. Heh.
on February 9, 2013 at 1:35 pm Myra

Dave: We missed Barch’s fight already.

Me: I’m shocked…..um, not.
on February 9, 2013 at 3:04 pm suenj97

I’m firing Clarkson. This is his 3rd penalty today. This is the old Clarkson making an appearance.