IPB Publishing, Inc., Series 4

Periodically we present our Gentle Readers with a list of offerings from our offshoot publishing house, IPB Publishing, Inc. We’re pleased as punch to announce that the latest catalog of titles is here! As with the previous installments, every title is an actual search term that was used to find IPB, with spelling, punctuation, capitalization and grammar all intact.

chris webber was a math genius?
This handy guidebook is a must have for non-sports fans who find themselves socializing with sports junkies, be they boyfriends/girlfriends, coworkers, in-laws, or friends. Designed around a series of yes-no questions, this book will teach newbies important facts about teams and players and sports history. Sample chapters include “Is Sean Avery an MVP: Lessons on Discounting Talking Heads” and “Is Scott Neidermayer A Greedy Jerk: Trends in Sports Un-Retirement”. After reading this book, you’ll be able to hold your own in discussions you would otherwise ignore.

staffydoodle dogs
In this very special April Fool’s edition of the popular Pommerdoodle Detective Agency series, Crunchy and Pommers go on a vacation, leaving Staffy in charge of the shop while they’re gone. Of course, crime never takes a holiday, so Staffy is forced into action when a violist from the Buffalo Philharmonic goes missing. Will a terrible fate befall the innocent violist before she can be rescued? Will the PDA’s rival Haines & Kibblehouse ruin the day for Staffy? And is the world really ready for a Staffydoodle? Read this book to find out!

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“38 Things You Don’t Know About Sidney Crosby”

We are pleased to present a very special-edition title by IPB Publishing, Inc., 38 Things You Don’t Know About Sidney Crosby. IPB Publishing, Inc is our offshoot publishing house, specializing in books bearing titles that are drawn, word-for-word, from actual search terms that were used to find IPB. In this case, just in time for the holidays, we’re delighted to give you a sneak peak of the 38 Things You Don’t Know About Sidney Crosby — if you want to learn more about one of our very favorite players than what you see here, you’ll just have to order the book.

1. Sid has never set foot in Nova Scotia. He was hatched on a mountaintop in an imaginary land high above the North Pole. He spent his formative years in hockey isolation in the clouds, only appearing on Earth for the first time on the first day of school for his year at Shattuck.

2. When he was a child Sid invented his own secret language. It had over 300 different words for “perfection”, but not a single one for “beauty”.

3. Before agreeing to his contract extension this past summer, Sid turned down three other offers from the Penguins that involved significant amounts of deferred money because he didn’t want to be burdened by unwanted ownership of a bankrupt franchise at the tail end of his career.

4. Sid has never met a Monte Cristo sandwich he hasn’t loved. Conversely, he has never met a Reuben sandwich he liked.

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IPB Publishing Inc., Series 3

Periodically during the off-season, we presented our Gentle Readers with a list of offerings from our offshoot publishing house, IPB Publishing, Inc. We’re pleased as punch to announce that the latest catalog of titles is here! As with the previous two installments, every title is an actual search term that was used to find IPB, with spelling, punctuation, capitalization and grammar all intact.

Interchangeable Animal Parts
A vivisected puma. A deserted island. A mad scientist. What could it all mean?
It means, the latest in NHL Retells the Classics: The Island of Dr. Moreau! Mad scientist Glen Sather has had success piecing new freakish animals out of the parts of others, but when he attempts the unthinkable — peicing together a hockey team that doesn’t follow any of the rules of reason — will the end result be the greatest team the world has ever seen, or an unspeakable horror that will haunt your dreams?

acorn singing the song blame it on me
IPB Publishing’s musical division is pleased to present this selection of folks songs written by Travis Zajac. The collection is a song cycle, first performed by Mr. Zajac in his groundbreaking first solo concert after 2 years of heading the North Dakota-based Toe Drag (a favorite of the coffee-house, beat set in Grand Forks). The 82 songs present the ups and downs of a rookie hockey player trying to make it in the NHL. The title song explores the shame and pain that accompanies being the losing shooter in a shoot-out to decide a big game against a division rival. Other songs, such as “don’t try to tell me i’m not batman, robin” and “call me mona lisa” shine a light on the everyday life of fitting in with a team.

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IPB Publishing, Inc. Series 2

Several weeks ago we brought you a list of titles our offshoot publishing house, IPB Publishing, Inc., was offering, and we’re thrilled to report that the newest IPB Publishing, Inc. catalog has just been released. As with last time, every one of these titles is an actual search term that was used to find IPB, with spelling, punctuation, capitalization and grammar all intact. We would like to take a moment here to mention that it is with deepest love and respect that we dedicate each and every one of these books to one Grady Sizemore (or grady sizemore, or Grady sizemore, or grady Sizemore, or “Grady Sizemore”, or “GRADY SIZEMORE”, or “pictures of Grady Sizemore”), who has been the subject of no less than 413 search-term hits on IPB in the last week alone. Considering he appeared in one sentence in our MLB All-Star Game Diary, we’re very impressed at these searchers’ deep digging, and can only hope they’ve found what they’re looking for here. Grady, wherever you are, we thank you from the bottom of our stats page. And without further ado, we’re proud to give you the newest, bestest titles IPB Publishing, Inc. has to offer!

the months of hockey off season
This specialized off-shoot of the Farmer’s Almanac details every aspect of the doom and gloom facing hockey fans in summer. Suggestions are given for the best dates to watch month-old rerun games saved on one’s TiVo as a mid-season desperation move. Weather forecasts years in advance will highlight which summer days will feel most like Fall. Geographical mileage tables offer fans on Schedule Day a quick reference for which roadtrips are doable and which are too crazy to even consider.

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IPB Publishing, Inc.

A completely unexpected joy of blogging for us has been seeing the search terms people use to find IPB. Inspired by some recent discussion that we should be writing hockey-themed genre novels, we bring you, Gentle Reader, a catalog of IPB Publishing’s upcoming titles, as searched by, well… you. Seriously. Every one of these titles is an actual search term that hit IPB.

Mascot On Fire
After watching his hero, J.S. Giguere, being humiliated in Game 7 in 2003 by being forced to accept the Conn Smythe as a booby prize, the Anaheim Ducks mascot Wild Wing snaps. With his psyche bruised by a constant mental loop of Giguere blubbering through his tear-soaked beard, Wing quits his job, leaves his wife, and disappears into the lawless frontier of the Sonoran Desert in Mexico. There he decides to lead a one-mascot murderous rampage against a group of native sustenance farmers, and his reign of terror almost wipes out the entire society of peaceful agrarians. Finally one young man steps up to lead the community to battle against the rapacious Wild Wing, and they turn to the only soldier of fortune willing to provide help in this godforsaken, hardscrabble wilderness: Youppi! Because the only way for these innocent and hard-working farmers to save themselves and their way of life from this criminally deranged plush creature is to fight fire with fire… Mascot On Fire, that is.

Dumb Octopus
This children’s book teaches young readers (age 4-6) valuable lessons about the risks of diving when you’re the last line of defense for the Detroit Red Wings. With its colorful watercolor illustrations and florid Czech prose, this is sure to be a favorite addition to every child’s personal library.

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