A List Of Players We Think Are Worth $124 Million

Here is a list of players we think are worth 13-year, $124 million contracts:

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The Last Word On The All-Star Starting Lineups

The All Star Game starting line-ups have been announced and as usual we’re incensed at who’s been deemed an “all star” and who’s been deemed “less than”. We look at the guys who were “voted in” by the “fans” and have a hard time trying to figure out which league these so-called “fans” have been watching, because it’s clearly not the same one we are. Let’s take a look at the starters, position-by-position, and see how the “winners” match up to the guys we think are the real all-stars.

EASTERN CONFERENCE

Forward
Our pick: Dainius Zubrus

Zubrus was brought in to fill some mighty big shoes following the departure of Scott Gomez and his 60 points, and he brought with him a whopping cap hit of $3.4 million, a staggering sum that could have handcuffed most teams. But did he buckle under the pressure of being the Devils’ new go-to guy? No way! Zubie’s going into the break sporting some pretty hefty point totals: 7g 14a (21p). Dude, if he was a defenseman, he’d be kicking ass! And defense is just about the only position he hasn’t played this season (oh, and goaltender, too. But point us to the skater who has…); Zubrus has been like a 6’5″ Sergei Brylin, making him the biggest interchangeable part we’ve ever seen. So while he might be 151 slots out of first in the Art Ross race, he’s totally played in every position on every line for the Devils. And not just because Coach Sutter had a hard time finding a place where Zubrus would be effective. So that’s why Zubrus gets our pick to be the starting All-Star center — he plays anywhere and everywhere the Devils ask him to, showing a hell of a lot more utility than Gomez ever did, and Gomez was an All-Star, wasn’t he?

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Why IPB Hates The Ice Bowl

The NHL is kicking off 2008 in style with the outdoor extravaganza Ice Bowl; IPB is kicking off 2008 the usual way — complaining. We fully put forth that we are the curmudgeonly curmudgeon’s curmudgeonly curmudgeon, thumbing our noses at anything that even hints at being “fun” or “playful” or God forbid, “fan friendly”. We are Devils fans after all. Thus we simply cannot get excited for this over-hyped, pandering gimmick. We look at the practice photos released today and think, “The players are probably required to wear those face warmers just so the people watching at home can tell they’re outdoors. What is it, 32 degrees? Ooooh.” We read Sid’s conference call and smirk at the exchange (paraphrased here):

Reporter: Sid, you and the other players will doubtless play a fast and free-wheeling style because you’ll be reverting back to your old shinny days, no?
Sid: No. You do realize it’s a regular season game with two vastly important points on the line? Also, we’ll be playing in less than ideal ice conditions which can only make us more tentative. Furthermore, none of us remember playing shinny…

We look at the Pens and Sabres recent play and think, “Are the Blackhawks playing that day?” We look at the schedule of bowl games being played that day, and we consider how a one-off outdoor event is going to attract new viewers to a sport that’s regularly played indoors, which makes us ask ourselves, “Is the NHL stupid? Wait, don’t answer that.” We recall the last outdoor game and cringe at the memory of Paulina Gretzky singing during the pregame festivities. In short, we scoff at the — what was it Brian Campbell called it? Oh yes — the “stupid fucking Ice Bowl”.

There is, however, more to the story.

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Woolgathering With IPB

We’re kind of adrift here in the opening month of the season, starting to get a feel for which teams we might care about and which ones we’ll ignore until suddenly confronted with having to write a Western Conference Final preview in May, but for the most part, this is the time of year for passively letting the hockey wash over us. But while we might not be thinking very hard or even very much these days, we are still thinking, and this is a sampling of the hard-hitting hockey issues that have been on our minds lately:

1. Could it be that Lou has finally found a strategy for ending the rampant coach-killing in NJ? Tom Gulliti reported a few days ago that Sutter informed the press that Sheldon Brookbank would be in the line-up on Thursday. Gulliti, along with the rest of us, assumed, “Woo-hoo! Oduya’s finally getting benched!” Then what should get reported? Mottau’s the one sitting. You realize what this means, Gentle Reader; this means Oduya’s still in the line-up. There is only one explanation for this. Sutter is player-killing. He’s going to drive all the skaters insane. Fans should be patient with this plan; it might take a while to break them all, but once they are — each and every one — beaten and broken by Sutter’s insistance on playing an AHL-level defensemen at Number-1-NHL-D-Man minutes, they will all be ready to live and love and learn. To win. We hope.

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