So we’ve noticed something kind of troubling around stately IPB Manor the last few days, namely, that our NHL Network was not coming in on DirecTV in HD. Of course, we’ve been too busy watching Versus on our cable to really care, but tonight push finally came to shove and we had to engage in that most unfortunate pastime, trying to talk to someone at DirecTV. After much sitting on hold, and being told by the voice-response menu that our answers weren’t making sense, we found out that the problem was — and this is a direct quote — that our SuperFan status was inactive. Gentle Reader, we were gobsmacked! How could we be considered inactive SuperFans? Sure, we’re down on the Devils a bit, but we’ve never been so psyched for a hockey season! In fact, we’re such super SuperFans that we’re going to go on the record to say this:
We love naked Zdeno Chara.
Yeah, you heard us. We love him. All bicepy and hairy and naked and Zdeno-y and delicately shaded… we love him. LOVE HIM. And we think everyone should love him.
We know what you’re thinking, Gentle Reader. You’re thinking, “Ew! Naked Zdeno Chara is so not my thing! How could anyone love that??” But that’s the kind of thinking that makes a SuperFan inactive. No, we all need to support naked Zdeno Chara, because the more praise he gets for being naked, the more inclined other NHLers will be to be naked too. And what the world needs more of is naked NHLers. All kinds of them, because there are all kinds of fans. There are fans who like obvious naked NHLers like Vinny Lecavalier, Paul Gaustad, or Zach Parise. And there are fans who like slightly more divisive naked NHLers like Mike Komisarek, Milan Lucic, or Sid Crosby. And there are fans who are crazy and like naked NHLers like Alexander Ovechkin, Dion Phaneuf, or Scott Gomez. And there are fans who are SuperDuper who like naked NHLers like Ryan Getzlaf. Rawr! And wouldn’t the world be a better place for all of those fans to be able to enjoy their favorite bicepy, hairy, and delicately-shaded naked NHLers? What we’re saying is that we’re not just thinking about ourselves — we’re thinking about all the fans.
So join us, will you, in creating a better world by supporting naked Zdeno Chara. Because we’re Super that way.