Posted in Laffs, Rawr! on March 8, 2012 |
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We haven’t been doing much hockey analysis here at stately IPB Manor. It could be because things are going pretty well with the Devils. Or it could be because we’re too busy discussing really important things like this:
Pookie: I just put through a request at the library for a DVD called “Super Snake”. It’s a Nat Geo DVD about “nature’s most elegant predator”. It says “National Geographic debunks the myths and reveals the startling truths of the Super Snake.” I wonder what the startling truths are.
Schnookie: I BEG to differ about the snake being the most elegant predator. That’s falsehood number 1. I KNOW MY PREDATORS, and YOU, SIR, are NO elegant predator! ::gazes happily at Siberian tigers knocking peoples’ heads off::
::OR MOTHERFUCKING CROCODILES::
Man, snakes BLOW.
Pookie: Not Super Snake. He dresses in a tuxedo. And knows which fork to use with which meal. He’s VERY elegant. You should see him dance.
Schnookie: I HIGHLY doubt it. At some point he’ll slip up, most likely at Ascot, where he’ll shout at his horse, “Cor blimey, move yer bloomin’ arse!” He’s FAKE elegant.
Pookie: You’re going to regret it. When Super Snake sends you a polite request for a proper duel, in which he’ll kill you. With his 300 ribs or whatever Nat Geo said he has. Each rib has it’s own elegantly-tied cravat.
Schnookie: Yeah, that SEEMS impressive, but does each elegantly-tied cravat have its own elegantly-tied cravat?
Pookie: No, they don’t. I guess you’re right, super-snakes aren’t Nature’s most elegant predator.
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… V.E. Mats passes the torch.
Welcome, Victory Swedish Larsson!
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Today we decided the very best way to honor Marty’s 104th shutout was to commemorate it in gingerbread form.
Yes, those cookies are every bit as breathtakingly awesome as the game last night was. But nothing’s too good when it comes to telling the world how great we think Marty is. Devils fans are just so lucky to have been able not only to get to see some of Marty’s career, but to have seen all of it. Really, how cool is it that when you look at a video retrospective of his career, the only sweater you see him in is the Devils? That’s our deep thought to add to the Marty discussion — we think he’s rad, and we love that he’s ours.
Meanwhile, in other gingerbread cookie news, we had a whole bunch of leftover dough after making the 104, so we cut a bunch of other holiday shapes. We aren’t really into the whole “cookie decoration” scene, so we went about adorning them with sanding sugar half-heartedly. A Christmas tree here, a glittery star there, an ax or two, and of course, some gingerbread men. After taking them out of the oven, we discovered something shocking about two of the gingerbread men:
They look exactly like CoreyPerry (CoreyPerry) and Getzi!
We swear, this was completely by accident, but seriously, isn’t it an incredible resemblance? There’s golden-haired CoreyPerry (CoreyPerry) on the left (sure, that’s supposedly a gingerbread woman, but CoreyPerry [CoreyPerry] seems like the kind of guy who enjoys wearing culottes, right?), and balding, cranky Getzi on the right.
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So we’ve noticed something kind of troubling around stately IPB Manor the last few days, namely, that our NHL Network was not coming in on DirecTV in HD. Of course, we’ve been too busy watching Versus on our cable to really care, but tonight push finally came to shove and we had to engage in that most unfortunate pastime, trying to talk to someone at DirecTV. After much sitting on hold, and being told by the voice-response menu that our answers weren’t making sense, we found out that the problem was — and this is a direct quote — that our SuperFan status was inactive. Gentle Reader, we were gobsmacked! How could we be considered inactive SuperFans? Sure, we’re down on the Devils a bit, but we’ve never been so psyched for a hockey season! In fact, we’re such super SuperFans that we’re going to go on the record to say this:
We love naked Zdeno Chara.
Yeah, you heard us. We love him. All bicepy and hairy and naked and Zdeno-y and delicately shaded… we love him. LOVE HIM. And we think everyone should love him.
We know what you’re thinking, Gentle Reader. You’re thinking, “Ew! Naked Zdeno Chara is so not my thing! How could anyone love that??” But that’s the kind of thinking that makes a SuperFan inactive. No, we all need to support naked Zdeno Chara, because the more praise he gets for being naked, the more inclined other NHLers will be to be naked too. And what the world needs more of is naked NHLers. All kinds of them, because there are all kinds of fans. There are fans who like obvious naked NHLers like Vinny Lecavalier, Paul Gaustad, or Zach Parise. And there are fans who like slightly more divisive naked NHLers like Mike Komisarek, Milan Lucic, or Sid Crosby. And there are fans who are crazy and like naked NHLers like Alexander Ovechkin, Dion Phaneuf, or Scott Gomez. And there are fans who are SuperDuper who like naked NHLers like Ryan Getzlaf. Rawr! And wouldn’t the world be a better place for all of those fans to be able to enjoy their favorite bicepy, hairy, and delicately-shaded naked NHLers? What we’re saying is that we’re not just thinking about ourselves — we’re thinking about all the fans.
So join us, will you, in creating a better world by supporting naked Zdeno Chara. Because we’re Super that way.
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