Programming Notice: Devils vs. Isles, 11/21/08

Attention Gentle Reader! Stately IPB Manor will be on a lengthy TiVo delay this evening, which will likely result in radio silence from our end. Please enjoy an open thread for Friday’s slate of games, and we’ll have reaction to tonight’s game posted later tonight.

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Programming Notice: Devils/Caps, 11/14/08

Attention, Gentle Reader! Stately IPB Manor will be operating on a one-hour TiVo delay this evening.

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All Is Sorrow: A Picture Journey

Gentle Reader, welcome aboard the S.S. Lottery Pick!

The news came down earlier today that Marty Brodeur is out for 3-4 months, we’ve lost both the big summer UFA pick-ups and a promising defenseman in Andy Greene, and Paulie Martin is gone indefinitely. We tried to put our thoughts on paper here to explain how we feel, but mere words aren’t enough. Instead, we’re forced to look to the profound emotional responses of other famous Devils fans through history.

First up, a look at what Devilsfandom looks like these days, as depicted by Bosch. The next IPB Pants Party will be held at the giant stomach on stilts!

Secondly, we have Durer’s view of the Devils power play. We can’t get Rolston and Martin back fast enough; the Whore of Babylon just doesn’t have much of a shot from the point.

Thanks to Giotto inventing single-vanishing-point perspective …

… we can see the single vanishing-point perspective of where the season is going…

… The Gates of Hell! Thanks, Rodin, for giving us a glimpse of what the season has in store for us!

So as the snakes of a lost season entwine us in misery, pain, and depression like so many Laocoons before us…

… we’ll sign off with this, a vanitas vision of the 2008-2009 Devils season.

[Background photo in V.E. Mats's SS Lottery Pick found on Flickr here.]

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Programming Notice (in Dallas)

Greetings from Dallas! We’re here at Patty’s fabulous home, kicking back with some famous Sonic ice and some HD hockey on Patty’s ginormous TV. The living is good! There is a slight wireless glitch that’s keeping us from using our laptops. Since we don’t trust our iPhone typing skills we’ll just drop in to say we’ll be heading out to the Stars game tomorrow; we’ll most likely end up watching the Devils-Caps on TiVo delay.

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Project Bicycle Spoke: David Perron

This is the fourth in our summer series in which we are drawing hockey cards at random from a box and writing about them.

The tyranny of the “Hot Prospect” series has ended! Say hello to Rookie Class 2007!

A.k.a. “Players You’ve Not Heard Of”. “Ever”. “For Good Reason”. Really, David Perron? He’s wearing #57. Is this a picture from pre-season? Why does Project Bicycle Spoke hate us?

Despite the relatively completely unknown player, we find this card sort of hypnotic. The weird blue swooping accents make it look like Perron is being cradled by Sam The Eagle, and yet the sepia-toned middle area makes it look like there’s a ghostly double exposure that’s hinting at a dark side even stolid Sam can’t save him from. And the best part is, if you read the back of the card…

The card copywriters clearly haven’t heard of him either! Do you suppose he did actually score in that game, or do they just assume no one will actually call them on it? Do you suppose that game ever actually happened at all? Can we get jobs as card writers and make up whatever we want? “Travis Zajac scored six goals while riding a unicycle in a February 6th game against Vancouver.” See, that sounds legit, doesn’t it? We mean, if you read it on a hockey card, you’d believe it! Especially if we put a secret hologram sticker on it. Or some dried macaroni.

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Frisby Bowl 2008 Results

Ladies and Gentlemen, the results are in! Frisby Bowl 2008 is completed and the champion ready to be crowned. Let’s see… Who came in first… Drumroll please! And the winner is…

andrew!!!

*Record player screeches to a halt*

andrew?!

Is this thing rigged?! Why does andrew win everything?! Let it be known this will not happen next year! Mark. Our. Words.

Three other thoughts:

1. Pookie’s a genius, coming in second. As soon as she finds a way to disqualify andrew, the Frisby Bowl Championship will be hers! Hers! Bwa-ha-ha!

2. Seth came in 14th out of 19, over 200 points out of first. This is notable because his team went to Game 6 of the Stanley Cup Final. We shouldn’t find this funny but hey, Atlantic Division rivalries and all… Meanwhile, the Stars contingent had a very strong showing except for Jen, and her team went to Game 6 of the Western Conference Final! The fan bloc best at prognosticating appears to be the Sabres; four of the top five (including the champ) finishers are fans of the Slug. Clearly the key to winning Frisby Bowl is to have your team miss the playoffs. ZING!

3. Thank you to everyone who played, and most of all, a big IPB thank you to Frisby for organizing this!

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Around The Dial: Round 2, Game 1

So it begins! Tonight we have the two Conference Semi-Final series we’re not as excited for, Montreal-Philadelphia and Detroit-Colorado, but we’re going to be watching anyway. It’s not that far off that’ll we be sitting here wondering where the heck hockey went, so here we are. We’ll be bringing our “Around The Dial” hockey observationalysis (as opposed to analysis, which, as you know, Gentle Reader, isn’t really our strong suit).

– Not surprisingly we opt to watch this on CBC on the satellite rather than in HD on Philly’s Comcast on the cable. We figure fewer Tastykake references is undeniably sad, but it’s a fair trade-off for no Bill Clement. Moreover, Pookie has yet to see Sid’s Gatorade commercial. Keep your fingers crossed for her!

– Philly scores first. Did we cheer? [Sly smile] We’ll never tell!

– Jim Dowd scores for a case of Surf Tacos and Jersey Mike’s subs! (Being a South Jersey guy he rejected the Tastykakes in favor of something closer to home.)

– The first period ends and we’re left with the impression that this is a classic “Game 1″ in that it won’t be at all indicative of what the series will have to offer.

– We stick around on CBC for a few minutes and are rewarded with Sid’s Gatorade commercial. “It’s science… Look it up.” Uh… We’ll just take your words for it. While waiting for that little gem of Sid’s March Towards Global Advertising Domination we are treated to an ad for Toronto FC.

Pookie: Who, one wonders, does the Toronto football club play?
Boomer: Ottawa?
Schnookie: The Harlem Globetrotters?

– We have no stomach for Coach’s Corner (glorifying racism, sexism, and jingoism isn’t really our speed; why does Don Cherry still have a job?!) so we flip over to VS. At the mere sight of the Colorado Avalanche Schnookie launches into full-on rant mode only to be brought up short: “For God’s sake, I’m cheering for Detroit! The Avs are so despicable! I hate them so mu — Oh! Look! The games are staggered! How delightful!” The Playoffs are all about the ups and downs, aren’t they, Gentle Reader?

– As we watch the Red Wings on a first-period power play, the following exchange occurs in the living room of stately IPB Manor:

Boomer: “Who are we cheering for in this one?”
Schnookie, aghast: “Who are we cheering for???”
Pookie: “We’re cheering for the team that doesn’t have Ryan Smyth.”
Schnookie: “We’re cheering for the team that doesn’t have Peter Forsberg.”
Pookie: “I keep forgetting about Forsberg.”
Schnookie: “NEVER. FORGET.”
Pause
Boomer, distressed: “So we’re cheering for Rafalski?”

Yeah, the 2008 playoffs are the times that try a fan’s soul.

– We’ve hit the second period doldrums. Instead of watching we’re cleaning out hundreds of old order confirmations from our Yahoo inboxes and waving a laser beam around for Matsui The Cat to chase. Sigh.

– No sooner do we say this than the Habs score but a high stick leads to a lengthy review. Nothing will grab one’s attention away from months-old email order confirmations more than a lengthy goal review!

– We switch, during intermission, to the Detroit-Colorado game. It’s 4-2. We’re watching the wrong game, aren’t we?

– We get so wrapped up in the end of the Detroit-Colorado period that we miss the 3rd Flyers goal. We have no idea who’s the proud recipient of case of Tastykake/Surf Taco (Tastytako?).

– With 2 minutes left in the Habs/Flyers tilt, things get interesting! Montreal starts buzzing, then Richards trips Kovalev to put the Hab on the man advantage for the final minute. Meanwhile, a fan douses Richards with a beer. Where’s Tie Domi when you need him? (And no, we never thought we’d say that.) Between Jeff Carter getting hit with a beer bottle and Mike Richards getting hit with the contents of a beer bottle, we’re wondering if the bad karma of the Flyers organization is coming back to bite their nicer, more talented players in the form of unsavory hockey fans’ version of the old pie-in-the-face trick.

– Talk about interesting, Kovalev ties it up. Hey, on a night when there are no late games, we’re all about OT!

UPDATE:

– The Detroit game ends with a bang, with Osgood making a killer stop to save the game. We didn’t pay attention to much of this game, but the Tra-La-La-FeelingsBits emanating from our TV suggest this game was very indicative of the series as a whole. We cackle gleefully when we hear Edzo pointed out that Forsberg didn’t dress.

– Like true professionals we flip back to the OT aaaaannnndddd… We’ve missed the winning goal. Kostopoulos scores less than a minute in.

– Are we sad the Flyers lost? [Sad smile] Look at that hobo!

– Now, bring on the series we do care about! Go Pens! Go Stars!

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