Who’s Crunchy?
What’s with the beer-soaked mousepads?
Where can I get some sidbits?
The following is a full guide to the nicknames, in-jokes, mythologies and oddities from the posts and comments on this blog. If you believe something is missing and should be added, please drop us a line at interchangeablepartsblog [at] gmail [dot] com.
Acorns: Nickname for Travis Zajac. An essential element of Zajac’s IPB Mythology is his attending a Waldorf School, which Gambler (a Waldorfer herself) suggested meant he learned to count using acorns. It was natural, then, to assume that he would refer to his personal stats — goals and assists — as “acorns”. IPB Irregular alix made the jump to calling Zajac himself “Acorns” and it stuck.
Beaker: Mike Richards. His surprisingly high-pitched voice is somewhat reminiscent of Beaker the Muppet’s manic ‘meep’ing.
Blersus: Supersneaky code word for Versus, those jerks who refused to send us a magnetic playoff tracker board in exchange for pimping their All-Star Game coverage.
Boxworthy: Zach Parise’s mythical turtle-of-affairs. Legend has it, at one point during Zach’s rookie season he went to a pet store to find a friend, and ended up purchasing his stalwart companion. Boxworthy handles Zach’s correspondence, arranges the seconds at his duels, and maintains his many Revenge Plot ledgers.
Captain Fuck This Shit: Jamie Langenbrunner. Named for his proclivity for scoring “fuck this shit” goals.
Captain Hugs: Patrik Elias. Named for his proclivity for acting all touchy-feely. Note: an implied “Erstwhile” prefaces this term, as Elias is no longer captain of the Devils.
CheeseTed: Nickname for Colby Armstrong. During a Pittsburgh Penguins broadcast during the 06-07 season, Paul Steigerwald explained that Evgeni Malkin’s nickname was “Geno” because “Evgeni” was “too hard to say”. Pookie and Schnookie decided that Sid Crosby declared “Evgeni” was indeed too hard to say, and chose a name that was much easier for him to pronounce — “Ted”. He then bestowed variations on the Ted theme to all his teammates, since learning their actual names was also too difficult for him. Colby thus became CheeseTed.
*Clank!*: The sound of another link being added to the Marley-esque chain we’ll be forced to carry in the afterlife to repent for our sins of excessive negativity and crankiness. See: “A Playoff Carol”, Chapters 1, 2, and 3.
Cook: IPB approved substitute for the word ‘cool’. Originated from Gambler’s ‘Chris Drury Has a Personality’ story which andrew, hopped up on cough medicine, enjoyed and proclaimed it to be a ‘cook story’. Katebits liked it, kept it going, now it’s official.
Crunchy: Nickname for Ryan Miller, G Buffalo Sabres. Originated when Schnookie decided he looks like the kind of guy who makes his own yogurt-covered raisins. We fully put forth that Ryan Miller, in reality, doesn’t really seem that crunchy, but the nickname stuck. Adding to his crunchy mythology are the assertions by Pookie that he plays the electric oboe and rides a recumbant bicycle.
Egg: “Arrested Development”-inspired nickname for the ever-forgettable Rod Pelley.
Ephivinny: The realization that a player you used to hate isn’t as hateworthy as you might have thought, and is in fact, swoonworthy. Term coined by Josh following the 2008 All-Star Game, henceforth referred to as The Great Epiphvinny of 2008 in honor of Pookie doing an about-face on Vinny Lecavalier.
Funfetti: (adj.) describes shoddy play, or (noun) as an explicative used in response to said shoddy play. See: this post; “Funfetti’s going to make our cake look like ass, Elias.”
Hooters: Eric Staal. See: Hooters Baby.
Hooters Baby: A scoring slump so long and so deep announcers tread so carefully around it that it sounds as if they are intimating about some nefarious and unfortunate off-ice troubles plaguing the superstar in question (like say, knocking up a Hooters waitress). For more information read: Reason We Love Hockey Part 33.
IPBucks: Official rewards currency of IPB. IPBucks can be earned for such things as leaving comments, lavishing praise on the blog authors, or other exceptional life achievements. In the far-off future, IPBucks will be able to be exchanged for goods and services
IPB Irregulars: A moniker for members of IPBNation. The reference is to A. Conan Doyle’s Baker Street Irregulars, a band of street urchins who occasionally assisted Sherlock Holmes in his cases.
Iron Boar: IPB-approved nickname for Bryce Salvador, as discussed in this post.
Kazoo: All-purpose ridiculous nickname. Origin: John Vanbiesbrouck suggesting the Hurricanes call Ray Whitney “Kazoo — because he turns and dials it up”.
Mrs. Pancake: Paulie Martin’s fictional walking, talking pancake mascot/girlfriend/obsession. Pookie found this article in which it was mentioned that “Ms. Pancake” — a person in a pancake costume — would be make an appearance at the same Rotary breakfast that Paulie was signing autographs at.
Pandonation: Fans of Jay Pandolfo, RW New Jersey Devils. See: Reasons We Love Hockey Part 5.
Plastic Star: The award Zach Parise received for being named MVP of the Young Stars Game at the 2007 All-Star Weekend. In IPB mythology, Zach treasures the plastic star as the most magnificent of all measures of his worth as a human being.
Playoff Goggles: Just the way alcohol creates “beer goggles”, so the post-season creates “playoff goggles”. Through these muddied lenses, rooting interests come and go with little or no long-term commitments, regrets, or ramifications. The seminal instance of the term “playoff goggles” was when the Ookies hitched their playoff wagons to the 2007 Ducks simply because Ryan Getzlaf was a looker — seen through “playoff goggles”, of course.
Poomerdoodle Detective Agency: sleuthing agency of Jason Pominville.
Pommerdoodle: Nickname of Jason Pominville, RW Buffalo Sabres. So named because of his likeness to a Labradoodle. (See also: Pommers, Pommie)
also, v. to pommerdoodle, to wriggle with joy in the manner of a pommerdoodle puppy. (Also, pommerdoodlocity, an extreme state of pommerdoodling.)
Racoon Wife: Jay Pandolfo’s mythical wife. The origins of the raccoon wife story lie with Schnookie and Pookie’s crazy ex-roommate (“X”), who, after befriending some wannabe puckbunnies, often tried to show off to her housemates how much personal knowledge she had of the Devils players. Schnookie and Pookie were unimpressed. Shortly following the 2003 Stanley Cup win, this exchange took place, wherein X’s motivation was to make Schnookie feel like less of a fan:
X: “You do realize that Pando had someone dig through his trash, right?”
Schnookie: “Yeah, and Pando’s description of the perp to the police was, ‘He was about knee-high, with a black mask and black-ringed tail.’”
Shortly thereafter, X tried to up the ante:
X: “You do realize that Pando has a girlfriend, right?”
Schnookie: “Yeah, and Pando’s description of her to his friends and teammates is, ‘She’s about knee-high, with a black mask and black-ringed tail.’”
sidbits: TimBits; or donut holes sold at Tim Horton’s. (see also: Sidbits)
Sidbits: The area of the body in which Sid Crosby gets speared. (See also: sidbits)
Slag-Faced Whores: Players with previously admirable character who prove the worthlessness of their souls at first free-agency opportunity. The flagship examples of Slag-Faced Whores are Chris Drury and Scott Gomez.
statbits: Statistics. Most often used in arguments where one side doesn’t care to argue stats. Also, adj. statbitty.
Throwing mousepads: The Ookies attended the Devils-Penguins game on 10/17/07 in Pittsburgh which featured so many penalties against the home team that the crowd resorted to tossing their free giveaways — a stylish techno-friendly take on the magnetic schedule — onto the ice in protest.
Tra-la-la-feelingsbits: The opposite of “statbits”. See: This post.
Tranny Brides: The “Tranny Brides” are the Philadelphia Flyers; but any secondary team you know you should be better than to like can be referred to as “tranny brides”. The idea being that supporting the team is like waking up in Vegas after a particularly unfortunate hasty marriage.
Vrana Vrana Vrana: During the 07-08 season so many commenters on Fire & Ice suggested the solution to the team’s problems would be calling up Vrana. The one and only Tom Gulitti responded with “Vrana, Vrana, Vrana. No matter how many times you say it, he’s still not NHL-ready.”
Wheaty Fans: True fans. Heather B. coined the term on Nov. 5th, 2007, when attempting to cheer up a despondent alix after she read an upsetting post about the Canucks. alix proceeded to fully embrace and popularize the term, including spinning the delightful cry of “I’m wheaty, bitches!”
