— The story about Coach Sutter and Captain Jamie “Fuck This Shit” Langenbrunner had some legs this past week. Were we not Devils fans we’d undoubtedly be snickering at how the Devils are embroiled in more player/coach strife. However, since we are Devils fans we’re instead saying, “Hot dog! This team is finally going in the right direction coach-wise!” This isn’t the first dust-up Sutter’s had with a player (he and Arron Asham exchanged words in practice a few months ago) and each time the incident has been handled with aplomb by all parties. It’s almost as if Sutter recognizes his players might have short fuses and small brains but they’re also adults and should be treated as much. And it’s almost as if the players recognize their coach is a tough-as-nails-guys who has the team’s best interests at heart at all times. The quotes from both sides were a riot the next day: Sutter saying he knew Langer was just burning off steam from being upset at himself, and Langer saying he fought back even though he knew he was wrong because… well, he’s got a short fuse and a small brain. After the short-lived-but-terrifying-nonetheless Julien Era, it’s so refreshing to hear coaches and players communicating. Even if it’s arguing. On the bench. During a game.
— We do NOT like that Pando was not given his rightful A as soon as he got back into the lineup. Apparently Pando’s month in the preordained Schedule of Rotating A’s was January, but since he was out during the entirety of the month, Madden got to wear it in his place. We hoped that meant Sutter was going to recognize that Pando had been incapacitated and deserved to have his month deferred. Well, it’s February and Pando’s back… and Madden’s still wearing his A. This is inexcusable. And unconscionable. And unforgivable. If Sutter were to make a trip to stately IPB Manor, he could expect a very heated shouting match with us about this grievous offense. As much as we might love that he’s willing to shout at Langer on the bench for making lazy, stupid, costly defensive lapses, we can not endorse his blatant disrespect forPando. *Steely death glare*
— So, we would like very much if the Devils decided to spend a practice learning that the ice below the faceoff dots in the offensive zone is not, in fact, made of flesh-eating acid. Because the only reason we can think of why they avoid it so adamantly is if they fear for their very lives when they get too close to it. Maybe they can take some of the time they’ve been spending on their PP and commit it to “don’t be afraid of the offensive zone” training.
— While they’re at it, maybe the Devils could also be conditioned to believe the penalty box is made of flesh-eating acid.
— If we were people who made a point of paying attention to the standings this far from the end of the season, we’d be going insane right now. Thank god we’re not people who do that. Now that we think about it, we probably were the last people on earth who really needed a Blersus playoff tracking magnet board, since we wouldn’t even use it. When you try not to pay attention to what each combination of points accumulated by all the teams playing on any given night means in the grand scheme of the Top Eight, you probably won’t do a good job of updating your magnet board. If we had one, we’d just slap all the magnets up on it in the order the teams were arranged on the day we got the board, and then on the first day of the playoffs we’d update it accordingly.
— The trade deadline is something we try very hard to ignore until the last possible moment too, partly out of fear that favorite players will be shipped out, and party out of fear that least favorite players will be brought in, and mostly out of years of experience with how futile it is to try to suss out Lou’s motives and plans ahead of time. However, its sword-of-Damacles reign of subconscious terror has already begun as Pookie has already had at least one dream in which Clarkson was traded for some faceless dressing-room cancer. There are certainly areas where the team is lacking, and certainly areas where new blood might help. That said, there are only two players we’d not be upset to be traded: CamJanssen and Johnny Oduya. If any GMs are reading this, those two players are can’t miss, take-your-team-to-the-promised-land kinds of guys. Trust us. We never, ever stretch the truth around here.