We’ve suffered through the Rangers/Penguins home-and-home these last two days, and here’s a look at what’s on our minds now.
— Pierre McGuire is consistently the most annoying man in sports broadcasting. At one point during Sunday’s game on NBC there seemed to be some promotion where you could log on to some website after the game and, if you could answer enough questions right about what Pierre said during the broadcast, you would get 20% off on purchases from the NHL store. Or something. We decided we’d rather pay 20% more for our purchases at the NHL store than listen to Pierre. We’re also convinced that Doc’s follow-up to reading the instructions for the contest — “So do your best impersonation of Nipper, the RCA dog, and keep your eyes pricked for your master’s voice!” — was the subtlest dig at Pierre yet. When does he get hit with another out-of-control puck?
— We’ve finally seen Getzi’s “The Cup changes everything” commercial, and we think it’s fantastic. He does such an hilariously wooden job of making sure to EMPHASIZE at least one WORD in every sentence. Pookie suggested after we collected ourselves, post-laughing fit, that Getzi is secretly a student of the Meisner Technique, and he spends his days driving his teammates nuts by saying, “OOPS, my shirt fell off” … “Oops, MY shirt fell off” … “Oops, my SHIRT fell off” …and so on.
— Last year we were quite fond of the spunky Penguins. This year we’ve hated them, despite our efforts to feel otherwise. That said, as soon as Sid is back in their lineup, we like them a lot more. So yeah, we’re fully putting forth that we are completely shallow, but you know what, Gentle Reader? We don’t care. Sometimes it’s nice to be able to say, like Geraldine, that no, we’re not sports fans. We’re man fans. Or, um, little wooden manboy fans.
— We’re fairly certain that when Scott Gomez burned every single bridge he’d built in his entire career to sign for zillions of dollars to be Mr. A-One Super-Duper Star in NYC, he didn’t think the Iso-Cams on NBC’s Game Of The Week would be Sid Crosby and… Sean Avery.
— Daryl Sydor? Surely he died in Vegas!
— Hollweg’s mustache and Jagr’s, um, whatever you call that thing on his chin (is it a chin version of a bikini wax?) would be vaguely acceptable as facial hair if they were combined. As it stands, they’re not sharing the same face, so they’re both atrocities.
— With each progressive commercial break on Versus, we’ve become increasingly convinced that we are not the demographic that the advertisers think we are. We also wonder if Versus never sent us our playoff tracker because they figured the address we’d provided for them was no longer valid because we’d moved into an old-folk’s home. An old-folk’s home with walk-in bathtubs. (Walk-in bathtubs! Will wonders never cease?)