We are assuming, Gentle Reader, that you are getting around to reading tonight’s post a bit late, after all the parades and banquets you were probably throwing today. Because you were having parades and banquets in Pando’s honor, right? That’s right — for those of you who are (criminally) not members of PandoNation, the big news out of the Devils organization is that Pando was voted, by secret player ballot, the Devils’ Unsung Hero and Players’ Player. For the third straight year. And it’s the fifth time in his career that he was voted Unsung Hero. FIFTH! How unsung a hero do you have to be to be Unsung Hero five times? Any other player getting that award five times would count as being “sung”. But not Pando. And seriously, watch the videos in that link of Pando’s acceptance speeches — he spent his Unsung Hero speech trying to pass the award off to Kevin Weekes! In all the history of Unsung Heroes, there had never been one more spectacularly suited for the title than Jay Pandolfo. He is the unsung hero’s unsung hero.
Oh yeah, and he is the playahs’ playah’s playahs’ playah (no, that will never get tired). So while Marty may have won the team’s MVP award, Pando got two awards, which makes him twice as good. Or something.
The thing that surprises us the most about this whole story (which is, admittedly, pretty unsurprising, consider those guys win those awards every year), is that the Devils managed a functional secret ballot vote. After everything we heard about Mike Rupp’s anonymous suggestion box for pregame warmups input, we’re stunned that “Nice haircut, asshole” didn’t win one of those prizes. We also find ourselves wondering whether the players campaign in the weeks leading up to the vote. Does Marty give everyone big-screen TVs? Does Pando win votes for just being cool? Was Zach totally Tracy Flick? Wait, don’t answer that.