Things are looking very bleak these days. The Devils have become putrescent of late; they show up for games, skate around pointlessly (both literally and figuratively) for a couple of hours, then wander away, leaving us wondering why we’re putting more effort into watching the games than they’re putting into playing them. We start off the games without hope, and yet still end them feeling crushed, depressed, and emotionally battered. There is no happiness or light with our beloved Devils.
Meanwhile, we had been finding some small solace in the meager beauty to be found in nature around stately IPB Manor’s stately grounds. Bringing a shred of joy to our miserable lives were the crocuses blooming out front:
It was only fitting, then, to step outside on this morning after the soulless effort put out by the Devils against the Rangers yesterday and discover that our crocuses were gone:
At first we thought maybe the deer had gotten to them. Then we considered it might have been squirrels. But really, the culprit is a much more obvious one: it was the Hockey Gods. Yeah, that’s right — the Hockey Gods ate our spring flowers. Given how diabolical they’re being about the Devils season (did you see that Dawes goal?!) can there be any other explanation?
To put the sheer awfulness that is the Devils these days into perspective, Gentle Reader, we turn to Boomer. Our mother is a sweet, gray-haired, little old lady. She has worked as a homemaker, a bank teller and a school librarian. She is now retired, and spends her days volunteering with the blind and the elderly. She fills her free time with such grandmotherly hobbies as embroidery and gardening. Here she is, celebrating some of the bounty of her garden:
Boomer in happier times
Look at that sunny disposition! Look at the twinkle in her eyes! Look at that irrepressible moxie (as evidenced by her “Glenn Ford” haircut and implied impish grin)! And what have the Devils, in all their apathetic tanking, reduced her to? This is what she proclaimed after last night’s game:
“It’s a good thing I wasn’t at the game tonight. That ‘You can’t beat us’ chant… I would have gone crazy. I would have been put in jail for assault. I would have been homicidal. I would have assaulted a little kid. ‘Hey, where’s a baby? So I can beat it up?’ I would have been like those urban legend fans [Caps fans are always talking about].”
So, Gentle Reader, that brings us to tonight’s game against the Flyers. We are expecting nothing but pain and misery. We’re sure the Devils will still be able to find a way to surprise us with exactly how much pain and misery it will entail. We’ll have an open thread, and will be here participating in it, but we won’t be writing a game diary this evening. Really, at this point, the diaries are writing themselves. Just imagine a post with entries every two minutes or so that say, “The Devils are playing well enough that it’s extravagantly frustrating that they’re losing, but badly enough that we don’t, at any moment, honestly think they’ll win.”