Our thoughts on the Avery suspension:
1. You can get suspended in the NHL for saying “sloppy seconds”? And they call the NFL the “no fun league”. (Can we call dibs on the NHL being the “No Humor League”?)
2. You can get suspended for suggesting that Elisha Cuthbert is a skank-ho? Even after you’ve dated her, and, by doing so, basically proved the point? Will we be suspended from blogging for saying Sid Crosby’s a good hockey player or that the sky is blue?
3. You can get suspended for making fun of Dion Phaneuf? But not for questioning the validity of Sid Crosby’s reputation (see: Semin, Alexander)? Huh. Who knew Phaneuf’s honor meant more to the NHL than Sid’s standing as The Greatest Thing In Hockey?
4. Brian Englbom and Keith Jones do an amazing approximation of Victorian aunties. We have never seen such outrage and pearl-clutching as the display they put on during the first intermission on Blersus tonight.
5. No matter how many times Avery rehearsed that “off-the-cuff” quip, he still completely failed in the delivery. And when KtG, visiting for Thanksgiving, saw the clip, her response was, “Does he have hair plugs?” Yes, KtG. He does. And no matter how many times they rehearse looking like real hair, they still fail completely in the delivery.
6. We have to think that there would be a lot of chuckling about how great that sassy personality is for hockey if Avery had made this comment while he was with the Rangers, or if the Stars were in first place.
7. Is there any chance some ex-girlfriend of Scott Clemmensen is now dating another NHLer?
8. Now that he’s been suspended, we really wish Avery had said something interesting enough to actually warrant it. Something that would have to be bleeped out a la Buster Bluth letting rip on how he really feels about Lucille.
9. Has there ever been a lamer justification for a league-generated suspension for a professional athlete? Really. We’d love to know.
10. If you replaced Avery with Yashin, Phaneuf with Henrik Lundqvist and Cuthbert with Carol Alt, l’Affair Sloppy Seconds would be a lot more entertaining.