My great aunt enjoys giving me excess food from her garden. Most of the time this is welcome, but every summer she insists on giving me bushels of cucumbers. I have tried telling her that no one in my family enjoys eating them, but every year there she is giving us more. Do you have any suggestions of what I should do?
Betty, Monsey NY
I hear that cucumbers can be used as stain removers. I don’t know if it works but oops! I just spilled my red wine all over your shirt. Now you’ll just have to take that wet shirt off so I can put a cucumber all over it.
My fiancee and I have been planning our wedding for almost a year now. It’s always been her dream to get married in Mexico. A year ago it seemed like a cheap way to have a destination wedding so I agreed with her plan. But as the big day is creeping closer, I’m getting increasing nervous about the safety of having our friends and families going to such an unstable country for our wedding. Do you think I should express my concerns now and risk upsetting Renee, or should I trust her that the reports on the news are overblown?
Pete, Austin TX
That fiancee is putting you in a real tough spot, man, what with all that international politics and shit. She’s probably not worth it. I think you should break it off because who wants to be tied down when you can be running free? I can see how you might be nervous about telling her you’re getting cold feet, so just give her my number. I’ll talk to her. Isn’t that right, Rennie baby. What’s that, baby? Renee? Whatever, baby, whatever. Hey, look, my shirt fell off.
My wife is getting really upset me with simply because I prefer, when in the comfort of my own home, to go nude. I was raised by very conservative parents, in a very stifling environment. Now that I’m a successful adult with my own life and my own house, I think I should be able to live by whatever rules I set. Shouldn’t my wife understand that I’m just happier to not have to wear a shirt at home?
Orel, Pocatello ID
Rock on, brother. Rock on.
Are electric toothbrushes better than regular ones?
Kelly, Erie PA
I don’t know what you’re talking about.
My office has weekly meetings at which one coworker keeps bringing donuts. I appreciate the food, but I’m not a big fan of donuts. Would it be rude of me to ask if he could bring bagels instead?
Marlene, Rockford IL
Here’s what I would do if I were you. I’d go into my boss’s office, take off my shirt, sit at his desk, put my feet up, pick up the phone, and call my boss. On his own phone. When he finally figures out how to answer his own phone when I’m calling him from it, I would then demand that my boss have the donuts changed to bagels. With champagne. And demand a raise. Then I’d tell him to move his stuff out, because his office is mine now. If my boss was a woman, I’d also tell her to take off her blouse.
With all the scary news in the world today, I’m thinking I should have an emergency preparedness kit in my home or car. What should I put in it?
Angela, Paterson NJ
Being ready for emergency situations is a really important thing, and something we should all take seriously. My emergency preparedness kit is something I keep with me at all times, just in case of a sudden, unexpected nuclear apocalypse. I also have a plan of action, something I practice regularly so it will be easy to undertake even when I’m panicking. The action is that my shirt will oops! fall off. And my preparedness kit is CoreyPerry. I figure if there’s no food in this nightmare world, I can just eat him. Of course, he thinks I make him go everywhere with me because we’re “friends” — in a situation like that, it’s probably best not to tell the person that you’re just keeping them around for food.
I sometimes get the sneaking suspicion that my best friend only keeps me around to be food in case of dire emergency. Am I crazy?
Corey, Anaheim CA
Yes. That’s the craziest thing I’ve ever heard.
— Corey, Anaheim CA
I’m not saying it.