Archive for June, 2009

The Ecstasy: Yay! We re-signed Oduya! Every time we’ve looked at the pending UFA lists in the last few months, his was the only name on there that set our hearts a-flutter. We would have been some very sad Ookies if he’d flown the coop, so thank goodness our very own Johnny Handsome remains our very own.

Also, Yay! Scott Gomez’s life is about to get a lot more miserable. Have fun playing for Jacques Martin, Gomer! And enjoy the scrutiny as you very expensively continue to not be Vinny Lecavalier. HAHAHAHAHA!

The Agony: Wait, someone actually took Gomez off Glen Sather’s hands? BOOOOOOO! That blows. What kind of world do we live in?


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So, Gentle Reader, we have all survived another Draft. How exciting! And as difficult as it is to believe, given how thrill-a-minute the Draft is on TV, our not-trip to not-Montreal was equally exciting. Yesterday was our “later rounds of the Draft” day in not-Montreal, and Mats was happy to show off how we would have spent our time if we’d actually been there.

First, he listened to some music — we made special playlists just for this road trip, and Mats was really proud of how his turned out.

Mats Listening To Music

Then, after an exhausting few minutes spent paying only the slightest attention to the later rounds of the Draft, Mats settled in for a long afternoon nap.

Mats Napping

Now that he thinks about it, Mats is actually glad he didn’t end up paying for a hotel room to spend so little time soaking up the sights and sounds of Montreal. Not-road-tripping definitely has its benefits.

Another great benefit of only being not in Montreal? We don’t have to spend today driving home. Instead, we’re going to put up our feet, put on some movies, and stitch the day away.

Mats Sewing

“Wheee!” says Mats. “This is so much more fun than sitting in the car all day! This was the funnest Draft weekend ever!”

Mats with Thread

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Today began bright and early with loading up the car, bidding Stately IPB Manor fond adieu, and setting sail for Montreal*. Before beginning the journey, Victory Euro Mats consulted the trusty nine-years-out-of-date road atlas to make sure the route was properly planned. How’s it looking, Mats?

June 25 2009

Looks like Mats is ready to go! “Wheeee! Road trip!” he squeals.


Because Mats is all about safety (note the sunglasses that double as a face shield), he starts his trip by buckling in. “Click it or ticket,” he chirps.

Buckle Up, Mats!

With the bags stowed in the back, and all occupants of the car safely buckled in, it was time to hit the road. The trip from Stately IPB Manor to Montreal is pretty much a straight shot, but some steering is still required. On previous trips we’ve developed a system of Pookie driving in busier areas and on all on- and off-ramps, while Schnookie does the endurance driving on the highway. This time Mats volunteered to do all of it, so we sat in the back playing cribbage.

Mats Driving

One of the best things about a roadtrip (aside from driving mixes and having an excuse to watch crappy television in hotel rooms) is watching the scenery go by as you drive. This time around we were eager to try out our new wide angle lens in taking photographs of the highways between here and there as we zipped along. Look at how beautiful it is!

Mats On The Road, Or Not

Heeeeey, waaaait… Upstate NY looks an awful lot like our garage… What gives, Mats?

Mats In Trenton

Are we still at Stately IPB Manor? We haven’t gone anywhere, have we?

*OK, not really. Today began shortly after noon when the denizens of stately IPB Manor finally rolled out of bed and began a day of cutting quilt fabric, tweeting about potential Heatley deals like all the other good blogging girls and boys, and enjoying not being at work.

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Gentle Reader, starting some time in January we hatched a hair-brained scheme to hit the road with our closest Flyers/Habs-fan friend kristin for some quality first-hand Draft experiences in Montreal. We mapped routes. We put in for vacation time. We booked hotel rooms. We planned all manner of “how we’re going to meet future NHL superstars” scenarios. And then? Horror. We didn’t win the snooty Montreal Draft ticket lottery, and were left with nothing where the nutmeats of our vacation plans had been. (We would like to say for the record that last year we just emailed the Senators and they more than happily sent us heaps of tickets to the Draft. We think it goes without saying that the Ottawa organization is way awesomer than the Canadiens.)

But even worse than having to cancel our travel plans at the last minute is that we have to cancel our blogging plans too. That’s right — no travel diary for you, Gentle Reader. Instead, we will offer up a non-Travel Diary. Here is what we are not doing tonight:

— Packing all of our coolest hockey-themed t-shirts. Last year the old 2000 Stanley Cup t-shirts were taken out of mothballs for the Ottawa trip (did we mention how much better a Draft that was than this year’s?) and they served us well, as Schnookie was wearing hers when she had her show-down in an otherwise deserted arena concourse with Butthead. Butthead was clearly intimidated.

— Printing up driving directions from Google. Instead, we will write up our own walking directions leading from our beds to the fridge to the couch. That’s all the distance we’ll be traversing over the next five days.

— Planning various and sundry junk foods to eat in the car during the 8-hour drive. Instead we’ll eat those various and sundry junk foods while simply being sedentary for 8 hours. It should be hard, but we’ll persevere.

— Learning to speak French. Suck it, Montreal. (Did we mention we liked Ottawa more than Montreal?)

— Obsessively checking to make sure that we do, indeed, have tickets and that they’re for the 2009 NHL Entry Draft. Instead, we will obsessively check to make sure that we do, indeed, have seasons 3 and 4 of Columbo on DVD.

So stay tuned, Gentle Reader. We will be updating our non-Travel Diary as all the thrills and chills unfold. Join us not on the road, will you?

(UPDATE: We are now offering up-to-the-minute not-on-the-road Draft coverage in our very special new Twitter feed.)

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We’ve been busy hosting the marvelous Kate the Great here at stately IPB Manor the last few days, so we haven’t been able to put our regular high levels of effort into blogging; our apologies, Gentle Reader, for not doing a better job of assessing the possible outcomes for the Devils at the upcoming draft. We know you’re dying to hear our thoughts about all those potential future Devils, but alas, you’re going to have to do without. Instead, we’d like to share a creative project we’ve been working on for a while now, an ever-growing photo album we call Devils In The Wild.

Zach in the Wild

Zach Parise

Scotty Stevens in the Wild

Scott Stevens


Colin White

Scotty & Dano Masks

Scott Stevens & Ken Daneyko

Patty In The Wild

Patrik Elias

Travis Zajac

Travis Zajac. Heh.

Paulie Martin

Paulie Martin

Nieder and Raffie

Niclas Havelid Karel Rachunek Brian Rafalski & Scott Niedermayer Mike Mottau

June 8 2009

Paulie Martin

Zach Parise

Zach Parise

Dano & Scotty Doldrums

Scott Stevens & Ken Daneyko

Scotty In The Wild

Scott Stevens

A Very Special Devils In The Wild

It’s… us!

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Every year we watch the NHL Awards and every year we think “this is the worst pain on Earth!” So… uh… join us for the worst pain on Earth! Will Zach win the Lady Byng? Will Beaker when the Selke? Will the musical acts be even more ear-bleedingly-awful than last year?

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Gentle Reader, we have a confession to make. This past season, we felt that we left most of our best material as bloggers off IPB, because most of it wasn’t about the Devils. During the dog days of the March swoon, we wailed to our closest friends that we’d let our blog get bogged down with our repetitive complaints about a team that didn’t interest us much, while we were riffing in endless, giggling fashion about things unrelated to the team we were supposed to care most about. We frequently told ourselves, on evenings when we couldn’t think of a thing to say, “If only we could write about [a certain other team we got accused of writing about too much anyway]!” So today we discovered this extravagantly awkward and wooden tour of the Palms hotel by Mike “Beaker” “Beaks” Richards and his nurse shoes.

And the floodgates opened, as we gchatted away while Pookie was at work. As you can see from the transcript below, we were probably smart to keep this all to ourselves all season.

(Now, we have been planning for months to go to Montreal for the Draft, but our plans have been derailed in the last few days thanks to our inability to obtain tickets. We were considering becoming bitter about or jealous of the bloggers at SB Nation who are going to be fully credentialed at the Draft, but, well… If we were the kinds of bloggers who get to go to the Draft, we’d never be able to indulge ourselves with posts like this. And surely the world is a better place for us hitting “publish” on this.)

Schnookie: I’m watching Beaks now.

Pookie: Ooh, I won’t interrupt.

Schnookie: Beaks is such a whore!

His tourguide style was hilarious!

“Hi. I’m Beaks. For $25,000 a night.” *Looks awkward* “You get the master suite jacuzzi.”

Pookie: Yup!

Schnookie: He looked so chunky, though. He looked dumpy. Hippy.

Pookie: I KNOW! I didn’t want to say anything but I was like, “His outfit is NOT flattering.”

Schnookie: No, he looked shaped like Greg Maddux. I think it was the nurse shoes. Poor Beaks.

Pookie: And how about the faux I-don’t-know-what “peace out” at the end?

Schnookie: What the fuck was that???? And he’s a REALLY shitty bowler.

Pookie: I assumed his bowling was affected by his shoulder surgery. That video was filmed like four weeks ago.

Schnookie: Oh, right. Beaks is normally a champion bowler.

I loved that his approach to bowling was as stiff and weak as his line delivery. “Now I am. Going to bowl.” *Stiffly tosses ball with a minimum of bodily movement* Pause *Cracks up* “Not good.”

Pookie: Yeah. The whole thing was….

But hey! It’s Beaks!

Schnookie: I better watch it again.

Pookie: That’s what I said.

Schnookie: The hockey highlights are making me sad. I miss it!

Pookie: I thought the same thing. Sigh.

Schnookie: I love that for $25,000 a night, my five closest friends can sleep in murphy beds in Vegas.

Pookie: I KNOW! And “play hoops with [their] boys”.

Schnookie: I’m sorry he didn’t try to dunk. Paulie: “Me too.”

I would have DIED laughing if they’d made him try sinking a shot.

Pookie: [Busy doing work stuff, being at work and all.]

Schnookie: They probably did. Ten hours later, he’s like, “I just had shoulder surgery! I swear when I’m healthy I can do this!”

Or better yet, he was like, “Oh, I’d love to take a shot! That’ll be a nice bit to add to the clip!” *Goes to throw a two-handed underhand shot* Director: “Cut! Cut! What are you DOING?” Beaks: “I’m not cleared to throw overhand yet.”

Pookie: Don’t make me crack up here!

Schnookie: Paulie, popping up from behind one of the murphy beds: “Also, he learned everything he knows about ballin’ from me.”



Pookie: “Like that the hoop is called a ‘net’.”

Schnookie: Beaks: “What he means is that he throws two-handed underhand.”

Paulie: “And that I ball a lot.”

Pookie: DON’T make me laugh!

Schnookie: Beaks: “That’s not a euphemism.”

Paulie: “No. It’s not. What else WOULD it mean?”

Beaks: *SMIRK* “I don’t need a two-handed underhand to win at THAT kind of ballin’.” Pause. “Unless she wants it.”

Loops: “Or he. Unless he wants it.”

Beaks: “You are NOT invited to be one of my ballin’ boys.”

Loops: “Peace out, yo.”

Paulie: “Quit making b-ball sound dirty! It’s pure and good!”

Beaks: “If that’s the case, why aren’t you wearing shorts?”

Paulie: “I never said the Golden Gopher was pure and good.” DUNK!

AAAAND… scene.

Pookie: I… don’t have enough “:”s in the world.

Although now I’m scared of the Golden Gopher.

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