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Archive for February, 2011

One game at a time.
One game at a time.
One game at a time.
One game at a time.
One game at a time.
One game at a time.
One game at a time.
One game at a time.
One game at a time.
One game at a time.
One game at a time.
One game at a time.

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Gentle Reader, you know by now that we are not glass-half-full people. In fact, most of the time, we’re “the glass is bone-dry in the cupboard it’s so not half-full” people. But desperate times call for desperate measures — particularly desperately hopeful times. The Devils have clawed their way up to 9 points out after being — let’s see… carry the one… — a million, billion points out two months ago. How can we not be hopeful?! Jacques Lemaire practically came to the house and filled all our glasses more than halfway (and yes, that is Kool-Aid in those glasses, but what can we say? It tastes like winning)! So what are the desperately hopeful measures this crazy run as pushed us to, you ask? Thinking our socks are lucky? Nope. Scoreboard watching? Uh-uh. (Well, yes, actually, but that’s not important right now.) Try… Math! That’s right, math! These tra-la-la-la-feelingsbits-loving gals actually got out the schedules, revved up Excel, and crunched some numbers! Woo!

We dubbed the endeavor “Mission: Improbable”. Could the Devils possibly or probably actually make it into the 8th spot? Should we continue to believe? Were we being optimistic fools? The answer might surprise you!

VE Mats Rolling Dice

Our methods included having Mats roll the dice…

VE Mats Crunching Numbers

… crunching numbers…

February 23 2011

… and augering with Shreikyguts.

Our conclusion… It’s possible. Maaaybe. Get back to us on April 10th and we’ll let you know whether the entrails numbers lied or not. (Hint: they said no.) (We don’t want to believe them, though, so eff ‘em!)

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Remember back a bunch of weeks ago when the Devils were catastrophically bad and seemed to be completely unwilling to make the drastic changes that obviously needed to happen? And we were all utterly puzzled by Lou’s inability to just fire Johnny Mac already? Well, Gulitti’s column today about Langer facing off against his old team post-trade shed a new light on the situation, and it’s all making sense to us. Gulitti reports that Langer was asked to waive his no-trade clause way back in training camp, but for whatever stupid reason he decided not to, and now we understand that the entire first half of the season was just Lou doing everything he could think of to get rid of the erstwhile Captain Fuck This Shit.

Tons of injuries? Weren’t enough to get rid of Langer.

Heaps of losing? Wasn’t enough to get rid of Langer.

Rock-bottom, shitty coaching? Wasn’t enough to get rid of Langer.

The threat of veteran players being humiliated by getting put on waivers? Wasn’t enough to get rid of Langer.

Being forced to play games in horrible, stranding-players-in-their-cars snowstorms? Wasn’t enough to get rid of Langer.

Lou tried everything, and none of it worked. Langer’s stubborn petulance was more than a match for Lou, who has clearly lost a step. The only thing he could do was pick up the “in case of emergency break glass” hammer and bring in the Angel Summoner. Can you even imagine if that hadn’t worked?

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Today we spent our afternoon at our friend Sarah’s house, having a craft day. And by “craft day” we mean we all got some stitching out, parked in the den with a cozy fire, and cleaned out her Tivo while her husband took the kids to a movie. One of the brilliant shows she’s got a season pass for is a TLC doozy called “Four Weddings”; the premise of the show is that four brides (who don’t know each other) pit their weddings against each other’s for a prize of a dream honeymoon. The brides all discuss briefly what their dream wedding is going to be, then they all attend each other’s ceremonies and rate them on a variety of elements (dress, venue, etc). The wedding with the most points wins. It’s as bad and as irresistible as it sounds. We were struck completely speechless by the sheer awesomeness of the show (it strikes an incredible balance between being not at all as shameless or craven as you might think while also being mockable from top to bottom), so imagine how much more speechless we were struck when one bride, in her intro, whipped out this cake:

Funfetti's Going To Make Our Crafts Look Like Ass

Yes, Gentle Reader, that’s exactly what you think. The bride, who had the emotional and culinary maturity of a six-year-old, proudly declared “Funfetti is the best cake of all.”

That’s right — the best cake of all. Not “Funfetti’s going to make my wedding look like ass.” Not just a disgusted sigh of “Funfetti.” She said it’s the best cake of all.

And then she said that her dream wedding cake, the actual, real-life cake that was going to be served at her actual, real-life wedding that she was holding up as a standard of wedding greatness worthy of a free honeymoon, was going to be Funfetti.

And then time slowed down and her voice became deep and distorted and portentious as she intoned:

“With a Funfetti cake, we can’t lose.”

And she was right.

What does this mean for the Devils??? A Funfetti wedding cake won a free honeymoon to Punta Cana, and we saw it today on the television. This actually happened. Is it time to reconsider Funfetti? Is the Devils’ Funfetti cake no longer looking like ass? Is it a cake that’s going to the playoffs this year?

How can we not believe?

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WOO HOO for a fun slate of Friday hockey! We will grudgingly accept that Devils/Rangers games are sometimes fun, but we can’t say we have high hopes for tonight… but it’s been really warm here lately, the kind of weather that makes a girl realize that there won’t be hockey at all before too much longer. So let’s enjoy it while we can. Even though it is Devils/Rangers.

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…So here one is.

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— For a variety of uninteresting reasons, Pookie arrived at work this morning with about 20 minutes to spare and a hankering to find videos about Beaks on YouTube. She found this:

When she sent the link to Schnookie this exchange ensued:

Pookie: I found a HILARIOUS video of Beaks and CoreyPerry CoreyPerry. Fighting in Juniors. At the end of a playoff game.
Schnookie: Oh my god.
Pookie: I was laughing out loud in my car. It was Muppet Baby Douchebags.
Schnookie: I’m honestly not sure who I’d think wins that. Of course, we’re ALL winners here.
Pookie: It was like what I imagine baby peacocks would be like if they were chimpanzees learning life skills by copying their parents.
Schnookie: (After watching the video) Oh my god. That’s a beauty. I love Beaks tossing his head. Like, I’m sure he thought, a wild stallion. He looked like Beaks of Chincoteague there. A little wild pony.

— For a variety of uninteresting reasons we ended up discussing Principal Skinner and Superintendent Chalmers during dinner tonight, which, of course, spiraled into an exchange of Simpsons quotes. When Schnookie pulled out the “how will anyone know it’s a Honda without the H?” scene, Pookie suddenly declared that Looch had eaten the H off all the Hondas he’s ever seen. Schnookie agreed, because Looch just loves to eat the letter H. Pookie then remarked, “That’s why that Bruins/Habs game was such a melee. Looch just sees all those little H’s on the sweaters…”

— Boomer made us all laugh really hard after dinner when she tried to read aloud the blurb about Nora Roberts’s upcoming release, Catching Fire, a romance novel about smokejumpers. Boomer launched into the first sentence of the blurb, “There’s little as thrilling as firefighting…” but said instead, “There’s little as thrilling as firefarting.” We still haven’t stopped shrieking with laughter. Being a grownup is grand.

— We got a crazy new fisheye lens for our camera today. VE Mats loves it.

Fisheye VE Mats

So does Rollie.

Fisheye Rollie

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