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Archive for the ‘Brandy! Brandy! Throw More Brandy!’ Category

And in the substances that aren’t tobacco.

May 9 2012: Spoils Go To The Victory Euro Mats

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On Hockey Day In America, we spent our afternoon watching this:

What are the chances today’s game will be more palatable?

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Have you ever found yourself wishing you could live somewhere as cool as stately IPB Manor? Think again. This is a recap of the actual, impassioned discussion/argument we had tonight:

We were watching a two-part episode of “Deep Space Nine” (yes, you can stop reading now. Our point has been conclusively made.) in which Earth is being threatened by the encroaching threat of the Dominion. (Yes, this gets dorkier.) Much of the action, such as it is, is set in Sisko’s (zzz…) father’s (zzz…) restaurant (zzz…), and, half-buzzed after a big glass of wine, Schnookie cut off a serious expository scene by exclaiming how dumb it is that restaurants haven’t apparently changed at all in 400 years. It looks exactly like a late 20th-century restaurant, dammit.

Pookie, perhaps also half-buzzed, has a bone to pick with Schnookie’s bone-picking. She feels that there can’t honestly be that much a person could think would change in table settings over 400 years.

“SPORKS!” Schnookie proclaims.

“Pfft,” Pookie dismisses.

The battle lines are drawn: Schnookie feels that 400 years ago people weren’t using forks, so it’s not at all unreasonable to think that table settings on Deep Space Nine would be different, and Pookie feels they were using forks, so Schnookie’s a complete idiot.

Boomer happens to have her computer on, so, perhaps also half-buzzed, she gets to googling. Schnookie shouts, “Google ‘when were forks invented?'” and Boomer discovers they were invented in the Middle East in about 1000 CE.

“HA!” Pookie triumphantly slurs.

“WAIT!” Boomer hiss/shouts. “Forks weren’t adopted in Europe until the 1600’s.”

“HA!” Pookie triumphantly slurs louder. “That’s 400 years ago!”

“NO!” Schnookie bellows. “Google ‘did the pilgrims use forks?’!!”

Boomer does so. And it turns out that no, they did not use forks. Why use a fork when you’ve got fingers, yo? Furthermore, forks weren’t adopted in Colonial America until the mid-1700’s.

“BOOM!” Schnookie screams in Pookie’s face. “FORK!”

Pookie tries to make a point that Schnookie’s a moron by demanding to know what should replace forks 400 years from now. Schnookie insists that if she knew that, she’d invent it and patent it now to get rich off of it. Pookie concludes our not-at-all-stupid debate by announcing, “Well now I’ve found a reason to have my head cryogenically frozen when I die, so I can be thawed out 400 years from now to see what they’re using instead of forks.”

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One game at a time.
One game at a time.
One game at a time.
One game at a time.
One game at a time.
One game at a time.
One game at a time.
One game at a time.
One game at a time.
One game at a time.
One game at a time.
One game at a time.

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So, here we are on a Saturday night, watching random hockey (Canes/Pens? Really? Her?), chugging two bottles of wine, and we’ve had a brilliant idea. The idea came out of a long and seriously analytical discussion of those beer commercials where the bitchy hot-chick bartenders put down dorky guys who don’t drink the appropriate shitty beer. We hate those commercials. Violently. So Pookie, who mans the zapper, suggested that she would like nothing more than a DVR/tivo option where you can hit the “thumbs down” button on a commercial that you just can’t stand, and it’ll replace it with one of those hilarious Old Spice ads. Schnookie thought perhaps that was stacking the deck unfairly in Old Spice’s favor, so a more realistic idea could be that you would also be able to hit the “thumbs up” button on commercials you like. Then, when a “thumbs down” ad comes on, your DVR/tivo box would know to replace it with a “thumbs up” spot that’s in current rotation. Why can’t this happen? Get on it, TV industry. *Hic*

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