Today it was still light out when we were eating dinner. We took our non-flannel leisure pants out of storage. We planted our tomato and broccoli seeds. We broke up the last pile of snow in our yard. We noticed tall daffodil stems sprouting up all over the grounds of stately IPB Manor. And we enjoyed watching all manner of daytime hockey, even though the teams we wanted to win the games all lost.
This can only mean one thing, Gentle Reader:
The Devils are hard at work on a top-secret plan for their newest model of playoff choke.
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All kinds of people seemed to be in a state of panic about Travis filing for arbitration, so we decided to go to the future to see what a possible Travis/Lou arbitration hearing would be like. Of course, we figured it probably wouldn’t get to arbitration at all, and thought we’d come back from the future with reassurances that everything ends well. Sadly, Gentle Reader, what we learned is that there is very good reason to panic. We sat in on some contract negotiations between Travis and Lou, and they did not go well. Here’s a transcript:
LOU: So where do we stand? What are your demands, Mr. Zajac?
TRAVIS uncomfortable: Please Mr. Lamoriello, Mr. Zajac is my father. Call me Master Zajac. I learned that from Zach.
TRAVIS’S AGENT: Let’s just get down to business, shall we?
LOU: Yes. Let’s.
TRAVIS’S AGENT: My client is asking for a four-year, 12 million acorn deal.
TRAVIS: With a new box of block crayons every year.
LOU, stone-faced: Well, I’m afraid our best offer is four years, $12 million. No acorns. Take it or leave it.
TRAVIS’S AGENT: Um…
TRAVIS, slamming his hands on the table and rising angrily to his feet: NO! Only acorns!
TRAVIS’S AGENT: We’re through negotiating, Mr. Lamoriello. See you at arbitration.
TRAVIS, over his shoulder as he storms out: Yeah. And bring a box of block crayons.
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