Congratulations, Nieder! We, um, loved lots of the things you did while you were with the Devs. Not as much as Scotty or Dano or Marty or Patty, but hey, 2000 and 2003 were freakin’ awesome, so, come on down!
Archive for the ‘Devils’ Category
Break out the cymballs, the Devils have a new coach!
Break out the solid gold cymballs because that new coach isn’t Hitchock or Therrien! In that respect, we think Lou did a bang-up job. We are a wee bit sad, though, that he didn’t go with the coaching plan we suggested. You see, we want to make sure Adam Larsson is getting the best start to his career as the Greatest Devil Ever. Making him the top draft pick to not have individual bonuses was a great first step, but Lou can do even more. He can hire Jacques Lemaire. Lemarie could then coach for half a season before deciding to retire “for good”. Then Larry Robinson could step in, passing along invaluable Hall-of-Famer defensive lessons Larsson needs. 20 games later, Robinson could step down for “health reasons”. The next 20 games could be handled by Lou, of course. Duh! Then, as the Devils stumble into the playoffs, Lou could blame himself for their 8th-place finish and replace himself with Jacques again. And that is how Adam Larsson is going to learn how to be a true Devil.
But, we suppose Pete DeBoer is an okay alternative to that plan.
Gentle Reader, you know by now that we are not glass-half-full people. In fact, most of the time, we’re “the glass is bone-dry in the cupboard it’s so not half-full” people. But desperate times call for desperate measures — particularly desperately hopeful times. The Devils have clawed their way up to 9 points out after being — let’s see… carry the one… — a million, billion points out two months ago. How can we not be hopeful?! Jacques Lemaire practically came to the house and filled all our glasses more than halfway (and yes, that is Kool-Aid in those glasses, but what can we say? It tastes like winning)! So what are the desperately hopeful measures this crazy run as pushed us to, you ask? Thinking our socks are lucky? Nope. Scoreboard watching? Uh-uh. (Well, yes, actually, but that’s not important right now.) Try… Math! That’s right, math! These tra-la-la-la-feelingsbits-loving gals actually got out the schedules, revved up Excel, and crunched some numbers! Woo!
We dubbed the endeavor “Mission: Improbable”. Could the Devils possibly or probably actually make it into the 8th spot? Should we continue to believe? Were we being optimistic fools? The answer might surprise you!
Our methods included having Mats roll the dice…
… crunching numbers…
… and augering with Shreikyguts.
Our conclusion… It’s possible. Maaaybe. Get back to us on April 10th and we’ll let you know whether the
entrails numbers lied or not. (Hint: they said no.) (We don’t want to believe them, though, so eff ‘em!)
Posted in Bully Pulpit, Devils, News and Notes, We Don't Need The New Guy's Head On A Plate. We Just Ate., We'd Like To Trade Jamie Langenbrunner For Treehorn on December 23, 2010| 60 Comments »
This Devils season has had two consistent patterns: one, the Devils go out on the ice for a game and lose terribly, and two, we turn to Fire & Ice every morning looking for a post titled “John MacLean Fired” only to get 16 posts with variations of “MacLean Frustrated With Team, Lines Shuffled, Langenbrunner Skips Practice Again”. So it was with low expectations that we checked the headlines today. But in what can only be seen as a shout-out to yesterday’s post, what should before our wondering eyes appear? “Devils Coach John MacLean Fired, Jacques Lemaire Back as Interim Coach”!!! Hockey Gods bless us! Hockey Gods bless us all!
Seriously, it’s like Lou saw the most exciting thing going on for us what the impulse-bought packet of broomcorn and then decided to take us up on that implied challenge. Our future homemade broom was all Lou needed to decide to finish up the last bit of his Monte-Cristo-ian revenge plot against Johnny Mac. Fired two days before Christmas in a season where any other coach failing that badly would be fired in mid-November? Bet he wishes he’d never demanded that trade, eh?
Just kidding. There’s no exciting news about the Devils. Unless “they still suck” counts as exciting. Nope, the closest thing we have to exciting is that we started seed shopping today. This coming summer we’re going to grow two types of Sestito Puente peppers, and we’re going to grow brooms. Let’s see if the Devils can top that kind of thrill-a-minute activity when the holidays are over.
Posted in "I Was One Of Those Saps Herbert", *Clank!*, 3-2-1/1-2-3 Hockey, Bummerdude, Calling For The Gutless Pukes' Heads On Plates, Devils, Free Agency, Ilya Kovalchuk?!?!?!? WTF????, News and Notes, Off-Season, Players Come Players Go, Sad, Sadder, Saddest, This Is No Laughing Matter on August 9, 2010| 49 Comments »
3-2-1 Hockey: 13
Not too long ago, we were all elated because the Devils had signed Ilya Kovalchuk. There was much hoopla and rejoicing, and there was a big press conference (their first one ever!!11!!!!1!), and it was all going to be awesome. And then the NHL rejected the contract. And then we found out that the team knew the contract was going to be rejected but went ahead with the announcements and the “ooh, ooh, buy season tickets!” crap anyway. And then the NHLPA grieved the contract rejection, so we all had to wait for arbitration. And today the arbitration came down in favor of the league. So Victory Euro Mats did what any sane unofficial Devils mascot would — he found a sturdy beam on the patio table out on the deck, and hanged himself.
Fuck you too.