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Archive for the ‘Travis Zajac’ Category

We’ve been sort of hilariously insistent that summer is over for the last few weeks. It’s been cool and rainy here at stately IPB Manor, with predictions of the weather continuing on mildly this way for the foreseeable future, and we’ve got a pumpkin on one of our garden fenceposts, and the earliest leaves are starting to turn. It’s been lovely, especially now that there’s tennis on TV every night for us to get back into the whole “watching sports” thing instead of our summertime “watching Star Trek” routine. Hockey anticipation was building right along with the season shift… until this afternoon, when we read Gulitti’s report that Travis’s leg fell off and he’s out for, like, ever. The season hasn’t even started yet and it already sucks! We started to slip into a spiral of depression and gloom, until we remembered one important thing:

It’s not not summer yet! We don’t have to worry about Travis’s Achilles tendon, or the fact that no significant Devils injury has healed on the projected timetable that Lou tried to assure fans of in the last few years, or, as Boomer said, lament that at this rate we’ll never find out what the Travis/Zach/Kovalchuk line can do. No, we don’t need to spare any of that a second thought for a few more weeks yet, because it’s still August.

So we spent our evening toasting marshmallows and watching the bats wheeling overhead in the twilit sky. And that’s all this Devils blog has to say about hockey tonight.

August 18 2011

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APPLEBEES HOSTESS: “I’m sorry, sir, but you can’t eat here without pants. It’s a policy put in by the corporate heads.”
PAULIE: “Well they can go fuck themselves!”

***

OFFICIAL HOCKEY HALL OF FAME STATISTICIAN: “I’m afraid ‘plastic star’ is not an officially recognized award.”
ZACH: “You can go fuck yourself!”

***

GROCERY STORE BAGGER: “There are no more plastic bags. You’re going to have to take paper.”
LANGER: “You can go fuck yourself!”

***

ART STORE CLERK: “Nope, we don’t have block crayons. Only stick ones.”
TRAVIS: “You can go fudge yourself!”

***

ANDY GREENE: “Uh, there isn’t an all-star game this year. The NHL is participating in the Olympics instead.”
STAN FISCHLER & RICH CHERE: “They can go fuck themselves!”
ANDY GREENE: “Word.”

***

US BORDER GUARD: “ClarksonNation is not recognized by the United State of America. This ‘passport’ has booked you a one way ticket to the detention room, mister!”
CLARKSON: “You and your ‘real’ nation can go fuck yourselves! Er, I mean, here’s my real passport. No, no! Don’t deport me!”

***

MARTY: “I’m the all-time wins and shutouts leader! Go me!”
PATRICK ROY: “You can go fuck yourself.”
MARTY: “::Smirk::”

***

LOU: “And that completes our trade of Cam Janssen for Bryce Salvador.”
BLUES GM: “Aw, fuck me. Cam Janssen?!”

***

YANN DANIS: “Please, sir, I’d like to start.”
LEMAIRE: “Go fuck yourself.”

***

ANDREW PETERS: ::Breathes::
THE OOKIES: “You can go fuck yourself.”

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Boxworthy and Bernice

Boxworthy hanging out with Bernice the pigeon (or, as I just typed it, “Bernice the penguin”, which would have been pretty awesome) at Rockefeller Center. –Schn.

David Clarkson

David Clarkson, spotted near Park Avenue. –Schn.

A Bevy of Devils

White, Greene, Martin, Zubrus, Parise, Egg, Maddog, and Rolston hang out in NYC. –Pk.

Grand Central Clock

Sheldon Brookbank, Ken Daneyko, Scott Stevens, Colin White, Andy Greene, John Madden, and Brian Rolston, in hoity-toity roman numerals. –Schn.

Andrew Peters

Andrew Peters may suck at hockey, but he’s good at identifying street addresses. –Pk.

Marty Brodeur

Marty. A very, very blurry Marty. –Pk.

David Clarkson

We caught this building right after it attempted a wraparound. –Pk.

Marty and the Ookies

We saw Marty in the city and waved hello. –Pk.

Dano and Scotty

Dano and Scotty keep 34th St clean. –Pk.

Mike Mottau

Applesauce! –Schn.

Zach, Zubrus, Paulie, Scottie, Dano

Zach, Zubrus, Paulie, Scottie and Dano, clockwise from the top. –Schn.

Travis Zajac

Travis showing off his Milford Academy education at work, as he blends in to this train departure board at Grand Central Station. –Schn.

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WOO HOOO! Travis re-signed for this many years:

Marty

for this much money:

Zach's Goals

TravisNation is so excited that its young emperor/god is sticking around! And you know what else this means, Gentle Reader? It means we’ve got four more years of Travis to help make up for the next four years of Rolston! WOOOOOOOO!

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All kinds of people seemed to be in a state of panic about Travis filing for arbitration, so we decided to go to the future to see what a possible Travis/Lou arbitration hearing would be like. Of course, we figured it probably wouldn’t get to arbitration at all, and thought we’d come back from the future with reassurances that everything ends well. Sadly, Gentle Reader, what we learned is that there is very good reason to panic. We sat in on some contract negotiations between Travis and Lou, and they did not go well. Here’s a transcript:

LOU: So where do we stand? What are your demands, Mr. Zajac?

TRAVIS uncomfortable: Please Mr. Lamoriello, Mr. Zajac is my father. Call me Master Zajac. I learned that from Zach.

TRAVIS’S AGENT: Let’s just get down to business, shall we?

LOU: Yes. Let’s.

TRAVIS’S AGENT: My client is asking for a four-year, 12 million acorn deal.

TRAVIS: With a new box of block crayons every year.

LOU, stone-faced: Well, I’m afraid our best offer is four years, $12 million. No acorns. Take it or leave it.

TRAVIS’S AGENT: Um…

TRAVIS, slamming his hands on the table and rising angrily to his feet: NO! Only acorns!

TRAVIS’S AGENT: We’re through negotiating, Mr. Lamoriello. See you at arbitration.

TRAVIS, over his shoulder as he storms out: Yeah. And bring a box of block crayons.

LOU: ???

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It’s a federal holiday in TravisNation today.

celebration

Huzzah! Strike up the band! Throw Travis-colored confetti! Our emperor-god is a hero!

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Scott Clemmensen won the Devils Unsung Hero award? Scott Clemmensen?????

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!

To whomever on the team awarded him this, we don’t believe “Unsung” means what you think it means. Clemmer could not possibly have been more sung this year. People were talking about him keeping the starting job after Marty came back. There were idiot Devils fans suggesting trading Marty in order to keep Clemmer. If Marty had taken one more week to come back, there would have been 100-foot-tall granite sculptures of Clemmer erected outside the Prudential Center. If it had taken two more weeks, those sculptures would have been solid gold.

That is Pando’s award, asshole. And if not his, Travis’s.

At least it wasn’t MVP.

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