Dear Nik Havelid,
Welcome to the Devils! Come on in, make yourself at home. We wanted to make your transition to your new team go a little smoother, so here’s a list of ground rules:
— DO take as long as you want to behind the net on the 5-man snooze-out.
— DON’T play like Andy Greene and Mike Mottau. That wasn’t why you were brought here.
— DO refer to yourself as the Iron Macho.
— DON’T get in Marty’s way when it’s honey’d dormice time.
— DO give funny interviews to TG; he’s the bomdiggety.
— DON’T allow yourself to be left alone with Stan Fischler. Fair warning.
— DO go out to dinner with Elias; he seems up on the local restaurant scene.
— DON’T eat any brownies baked by Paulie. At least not if you’re planning on playing Vancouver in 2010. (We have no idea if you’re good enough to be worrying about that. Wait, wait, don’t tell us! We figure we’ll find out soon enough. Let’s let it be a surprise.)
— REMEMBER: Zach will dream about you, so if that makes you uneasy, don’t spend too much time around him.
So, that’s that! This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship. Especially if you work “visit interchangeableparts.wordpress.com for the best Devils coverage in town” into every interview.