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Archive for the ‘New Jersey Devils’ Category

Well, it’s finally back! Yay! And with the new hockey season comes the dawning of the Captain Iron Boar Era, as well as the Acorns Forever Era. These are eras we think we like, but after the Brian Rolston Redux debacle, we try to temper our enthusiasm. You can understand, right, Gentle Reader?

That's Captain Boar To You

Captain Iron Boar casts a long shadow of either awesomeness or injury-proneness. Being Devils fans, we’ll hope for the former but expect the latter.

Anyway, we’d be full of season preview thrills and chills or other deep and insightful blog content (HA!), but we’re actually not going to be around for opening night. We have tickets to a banjo concert. Yeah, hockey, you heard us. A banjo concert. We bought them months ago, when “January 19” sounded a lot like “a Saturday night with nothing on television”. Happy about your stupid lockout now? So, while we’re rocking out with Bela Fleck, we hope the Devils are rocking out with starting their defense of their Eastern Conference crown (HA!).

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These guys again? And the Sabres too? Well, here we go, we guess. That’s the one problem with it not being the offseason – sometimes you have to watch some pretty awful hockey.

PREGAME

— We spend a delightful half an hour before the broadcast starts playing Super Mario Brothers on the Wii. There’s nothing like watching Mario cheerfully plummet to his doom repeatedly in world 7-1 to put everything into perspective. The elephant seems to be trending highly unlucky, but miracle of miracles, Mario eventually pulls it out and clears the course. Lucky elephant, indeed!

— We spend a slightly less delightful few minutes in the broadcast’s intro wondering why our dinner isn’t ready yet. How long can it take baked potatoes to cook? This elephant wouldn’t know luck if it kicked him in the face.

— Tedenby sighting! We have a Tedenby sighting! The elephant is less pachyderm and more hummingbird-on-crack.

FIRST PERIOD

19:06 The arena looks laughably empty. The elephant is too lonely to bother choosing sides at first, but swings negative when Kovalchuk fancy-pantses his way through the entire Sabres team, gets Enroth sliding out of position, but shoots wide. Pookie: “Well, Enroth is really intimidating.”

13:05 We miss some action because our potatoes are starting to come out of the oven. You know what’s exciting? We’re eating with our new sporks!

November 8 2010

The elephant thinks our flatware is trending stylish.

10:27 There’s not a lot going on in this game, so Chico decides to pump us up by pointing out that Hedberg made a stop on the first shot he faced tonight, which is a big step up from the last time these two teams played. The elephant, like the crowd, is asleep.

9:46 WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!! Enroth juggles an Elias shot from long distance, and Arnott is at the crease — being casually and politely observed by a Sabres “defense”man – to just be able to chip the tiniest bit of the puck into the net while drifting off into the corner. It’s 1-0 Devils! And Tedenby got the secondary assist! WOOOOOOOOO!! Schnookie: “That was all elephant.” Pookie: “Yup. That was the unseen trunk. It gonged in off it.”

7:26 The Sabres very nearly put the puck into their own net from the entire length of the ice on a delayed penalty to the Devils. Alas, the elephant is napping on the job, and luck isn’t with that slowly creeping puck – it taps the outside of the goalpost before coming to rest and drawing the whistle.

0:28 There’s a stoppage for some reason, and MSG+ takes the opportunity to plug their intermission content, including LICENSE PLATE REVEAL! EEEEEEEE! Pookie: “The elephant is looking up, up, up, baby!”

SECOND PERIOD

20:00 We get our Trenton Devils update before the puck drop, and Schnookie sadly laments about Doc’s calling them “the T-Devs”, “I wish he called them the TrenDevs.” Lucky elephant: “Me too.” Also, just for the record, we think it’s hilarious that Gel-O spent the intermission talking about how great the first period was. The Devils are up by one goal against the second-worst team in the conference. Pookie: “And a fluky goal at that.” Let’s not go crazy here, people.

14:36 The elephant mocks the MSG+ team’s crowing about how awesome the Devils are for having a whopping one-goal lead (Chico even goes so far as to call it a “cushion”) against the Sabres, and Pominville makes it 1-1.

14:23 The elephant says, “Soon I’ll be dancing on your graves, losers!” as Hedberg gives up a long-range goal to Roy-Z. 2-1 Sabres. Chico: “Whoa! That’s a shocker!” Pookie: “Chico. How is that even remotely shocking? Tell me when you were shocked.” Chico starts the replay by suggesting maybe the goal wasn’t wholly shitty, because maybe the shot was tipped ever so slightly by Tallinder, but you know what? That would only make it worse.

10:53 The diarist is not in the room when the Devils score. She comes back to find a 2-2 game, and says, stunned, “The Devils scored?” The other -ookie: “Yup. On a Vasyunovaround that bounced in off Clarkson.” The elephant is stunned – it doesn’t know what to think anymore.

9:32 Doc has a moment where he realizes his own looming mortality as Clarkson celebrates in front of the net after a Volchenkov shot, prompting Doc to shout “SCORE!”… except the puck is in the corner. The elephant chortles evilly.

8:16 Langer gets spun headfirst into the boards at the bench, and we will admit – we gasped with horror. Even for Langer. See? We’re not monsters. Ennis gets called for hooking on the play, so the one-for-the-last-33 Devils PP takes the ice. The elephant is like, “I don’t actually need to bother here, do I?”

7:58 WILL WONDERS NEVER CEASE? Suck it, bad-luck elephant! Arnott just grips it and rips it from above the faceoff dot, and the shot ricochets off of an almost impossible number of things to find its way into the net. It’s the second PP goal in 11 games for the Devils, and now it’s 3-2 Devils. The good-luck elephant smirks at his bad-luck cousin, but Chico ruins the moment by immediately wondering if this is going to be “a hat trick night”. No, Chico, it isn’t.

6:09 The bad-luck elephant starts pummeling the good-luck elephant with his own upraised trunk, and Myers scores a goal from the mirror-image location of Arnott’s second. Only Myers doesn’t need 10,000 deflections on his shot because Hedberg is a terrible goaltender. 3-3 game.

5:00-ish We come back from commercial to see this awesomeness:

It's Like A Kind Of Torture...

That’s pretty much the exact same facial expressions you’ll find on the denizens of stately IPB Manor when we have to watch the Devils play! It’s like our living room, but with more expensive clothes! Pookie: “It looks like Marty’s regularly kicking Zach in the back of the head.”

1:53 If only the Devils could play this Enroth kid every day! Of all the ridiculous things, they score again. Langer makes it 4-3 Devilswhen he tries to feed Travis in front, but Butler does all the work for him by tipping the pass perfectly into his own net. The good-luck elephant stuffs the bad-luck elephant into a steamer trunk and sits on the lid.

0:00 The period comes to an end on a frenzied Sabres PP thanks to some idiocy by Arnott. It’s a bit of a shooting gallery in the waning seconds, prompting Pookie to remark, “It’s almost like the players are all stopping after every shot to be surprised that it didn’t go in.”

THIRD PERIOD

11:06 Rather like the Devils, we’re not paying very close attention to this period. Until it’s 4-4 thanks to Tallinder having no idea how to make decisions in front of his own net. We’re so glad that bad-luck elephant was manning the helm as the Devils GM this past summer, so the team could acquire such a dazzling defensive talent.

6:48 Bad-luck elephant starts sharpening his tusks to gore good-luck elephant when the Devils go on the PP.

2:42 Both good-luck and bad-luck elephants are shocked to see how quickly this period has passed. The hell? This game’s flying by! How unusual for Devils/Sabres.

0:57 Despite it being a clear night outside, our feed is completely breaking up. The elephants are trying to tell us something, but we’re not quite sure what it is.

OVERTIME

We have nothing to say about this because we can’t see what’s going on. What the hell is going on with our feed? It better not have fucked up our tivoing of ANTM, because while we don’t mind not being able to see this OT, we will NOT abide missing ANTM.

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Today we don’t need to be looking for that baby deer one more time, because we’ve found a baby turtle:

Baby Turtle

This is what Boxworthy looks like after he’s been shrunk to the size of a silver dollar. Or rather, this is what he looks like after he’s been shrunk and has somehow managed to crawl out of his suddenly comically-oversized butler’s uniform.

We don’t know what this is a sign of, because the reason this baby turtle was even spotted in the first place was because Schnookie was desperately searching the grounds at work for her missing iPod. While Pookie was at the dentist getting three fillings. After having picked up some kind of stomach bug yesterday. While on vacation. So was it a good day or a bad day? Is the turtle a harbinger of joy or fate mocking us? The only way we can find out for sure is to see how the Devils play, and how the rest of the hockey action tonight pans out.

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Here’s what we all need to do after that suckfest in Philly — we need to just get back up on the horse and watch the Devils try to beat another lower-echelon Eastern Conference playoff-ish team. We can use tonight’s game to gauge how well we think they’ll fare against the actual lower-echelon Eastern Conference playoff team they’re going to face in the actual playoffs. It’ll be fun!

AFTER THE GAME, THE WOOL WE GATHERED:

We are fairly confident the playoffs, from a Devils perspective, are going to be nasty, brutish and short.

(Oh, and even though the game-losing goal was all Kovalchuk’s fault, in most egregious fashion, we still love him and hope he re-signs with the Devils and never changes his ways.)

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Join us for an open thread as the Devils take on the Blue Jackets!

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Tonight we are heading up to Newark to witness the Devils/Blues battle royale in person, and also to enjoy the bottomless chicken fingers in the Fire Lounge. Since we won’t be around and don’t have chicken fingers to offer you, Gentle Reader, we will leave you with some food for thought instead. Guess what the oldest tree in the world (and heaviest living organism) is called? Why, Pando, of course!

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So, are we all ready for the giant let-down game? Or are the Devils on a roll? Is Paulie just getting started on some kind of crazy-assed goal-scoring streak? We feel the answer to those questions is “almost certainly yes”! To all of them!

It should be noted that we had the following exchange during the pregame “Ask The Announcers” segment:

Schnookie: “I would ask Chuck a question.”
Pookie: “Totally. ‘Chuck, first time long time…'”
Boomer: “Can you swim?”

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