Archive for the ‘Uncategorized’ Category

You know what’s been hard during these long months of lockout-induced hockey privation? Having no socially-acceptable outlet for our hate. When you’re a sports fan it’s considered normal to violently hate an entity of an opposing team, including all the players and managers associated with it, any animals or historical figures that serve as its mascot, any colors it claims as its own, and especially anyone who has the gall and/or stupidity to cheer for it. This is a lot of hate a fan can carry in their heart, and no one thinks twice about it. But when you don’t have a sports outlet for your hate, it starts to look unseemly. But you know what? There’s no getting rid of it once the hate starts, and now that the Rangers and Flyers and Caps and Canada aren’t there for us to wish ill on, we’ve had to turn our bitter bile onto other subjects. And what’s drawn our ire in 2012? Well, here are the top three:

1. Cassadee Pope. Anyone else here watching “The Voice” during the lockout? Because that’s become our new obsession. And about midway through this season Schnookie declared, after another typically shrill, bombastically-phrased, “pop-rock” performance, that Cassadee Pope is “worse than Hitler”. And it seems that America is very fond of Hitler, because she just keeps on trucking, and will likely win next week. Ugh. America is apparently incredibly stupid and has terrible taste in music, because Cassadee Pope is so bad she’s like if Hitler played for the Rangers, but worse. That is not an exaggeration.

2. The new iTunes. If you’re also an iTunes user, have you made the mistake of upgrading yet? Because it’s maddeningly bad. Just awful, awful, awful, and we can’t seem to find anyone else online complaining about it. Why is that? Is the rest of the iTunes-using universe really completely enamored of a system that makes absolutely no sense at all? We’ve been happy iTunes users for years and years, and suddenly we both feel like some kid’s grandmother who’s logging on for the first time. Who thought such a counterintuitive, opaque, inscrutable format was a good idea, especially when its been a platform that has lapped its competitors for years because of its obvious usability? Fuck you, Apple! This new iTunes is like what Hitler would use if he was the DJ for the Rangers at a team party, and he really wanted to spin a bunch of Cassadee Pope tunes.

3. That KCRW took down the HD, standalone video of the Afghan Whigs doing “Mean Sleep” with Van Hunt. Sure, you can still hear it if you listen to or watch their entire “Morning Becomes Eclectic” appearance (it’s the second-to-last song), but it’s not in HD! And it’s not standalone, so we can’t just randomly queue it up when we’re looking for a musical pick-me-up or earhole cleanse, like, say, after we’ve just watched Cassadee Pope perform on “The Voice”. We’d make some kind of tasteless Hitler joke about this, but we don’t want KCRW to get mad and take the whole performance down entirely.


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Happy New Year!

For everyone else who isn’t watching the Winter Classic today, here’s new open thread! Here’s to hoping our shitty teams do better in 2011, and that our good teams have continued success!

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Guess what, Gentle Reader! We’re back! We had the most marvelous time (In Dallas), but now we’re back ensconced on our couch, uploading photos and planning to compose some hot travelogue action for your Gentle Reading enjoyment. In the meantime, let’s get a fresh post up, shall we?

Deep Fried Beer With Big Tex

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We have not abandoned you on purpose, Gentle Reader — we are just unable to get the interwebs at Patty’s house to work. So we may be incommunicado until we are back in the confines of stately IPB Manor, but there may still be a miraculous breakthrough… We hope to be back to our regular complaining about the Devils sooner.

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1-2-3 Hockey: 21 of 45

September 12 2010

Today is the day we’ve been waiting for! Football, cake, tea, sunflowers, premiere of Semi-Homemade, quilting, AND a rainy day! It does not get any better than this. This is what it’s all about. This is Fall at Maple Hoo. WOOOOO!!!

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Sad news, Gentle Reader — we are without interwebs here at stately IPB Manor until Sunday at the earliest. So we’ll be watching the Devils, but mutely.

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Programming Notice

Gentle Reader, we will not be on hand this evening for the Devils/Senators game because we’ll actually be at said game. We know! It’s shocking! But we’re going to brave the outdoors and New Jersey Transit as we endeavor to convert one of Pookie’s coworkers from a baseball fan to a hockey fan. Wish us luck, and here’s hoping the Devils don’t blow it. There’s a lot riding on them not sucking today.

Meanwhile, as we were looking at the upcoming schedule for this week, we had the following exchange, which we’ll leave you with as a placeholder Daily Dose of Ookieness until we can report back from The Rawk:

Schnookie: When do the Devils play this week?

Pookie: Tuesday, Thursday and Saturday. Sweet!

Schnookie: How about the Tranny Brides?

Pookie: Um… Tuesday, Thursday and Saturday.

Schnookie: Awesome.


Schnookie: So. Uh… How about the Bruins? When do they play? They are our new project team. Kind of our Tranny Wooers.


Schnookie: Our Tranny Beaux.

Pookie: Our Tranny Gentleman Callers.

Schnookie: Definitely.

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