So we’re sitting here on a rainy, dreary February afternoon, with a day of hockey stretched out before us, and suddenly Pookie says, “Let’s do an all-day Woolgathering!” It’s been a while, Gentle Reader, and we’re sure that there’s nothing anyone wants more than to spend an exciting day with us.
1:22 pm Our chicken taco lunch has been cleaned up, our stitching is all in hand, and Jack Edwards is trying and failing to sound chipper about the Bruins after they’ve given up a power-play goal to the Sharks. It’s a good day to be alive.
Pookie’s pile of things to work on today. Admit it — you’re jealous of the wild lives we lead.
1:38 pm Looch has rather dramatically missed a great chance to tie the game at 1 late in the first period, and we decide it’s as good a time as any to add the picture we got earlier today of what is obviously Looch’s midgame snack. He pops these things like M&Ms on the bench during play:
1:56 pm NESN has just had a feature during the intermission that they said was in honor of funny Superbowl commercials. They were looking back at funny old hockey commercials, and they came up with this:
Dude, we remember that commercial. Well. Ha ha. It’s funny because it’s old. Sigh. (Oh, and spoiler! Two such different players didn’t play well together. Heh heh heh.)
2:36 pm The Sharks are still up 1-0 after two periods; this game is a real barnburner. In more pressing news, why don’t we have any cheetos in the house?
2:48 pm Coming back from the second intermission, NESN’s sideline reporter gives us an update from her conversation with Doug Houda during the break. Wait, Doug Houda? How did we not know he was involved in this match? Every mention of Doug Houda needs to be followed with an enthusiastic repeating of that random dude Pookie knew at NYU’s immortal remark from back when Houda was an Islander: “Houda fans? We da fans!” Har har!
3:07 pm We might not have cheetos, but we do have dark & stormy lollipops.
3:30 pm The Sharks/Bruins game ended up being a real snoozer. When it mercifully comes to an end, we change channels to the Ducks feed of the Anaheim/Colorado game. As soon as the Ducks announcers start speaking our collective IQ plummets. They’re just that stupid.
3:36 pm Just as we’re remarking on the stupid-inducing powers of the Ducks announcers, they promise us a visit with Getzi and his dad during intermission, so we can get the “Getzlaf perspective” on things. We can’t wait!
4:10 pm We’re not sure where we get off thinking the Getzlafs are going to be stupid, since we just spent about five minutes cracking ourselves up by talking with our lollipops in our mouths. It’s nothing but highbrow humor around here. (And for the record, the Getzis comported themselves surprisingly well, if a bit stiffly. Neither one of those men is a natural in front of the camera. But no shirts fell off, so kudos to them.) (In other news, while we were cracking ourselves up with how funny we could talk, the beans we were cooking were busy boiling over in the kitchen. We are very smart.)
4:42 pm At the opening of the third period of Ducks/Avs, we’re proud to say we’ve watched five periods of hockey today and have seen only two goals. It’s been a thrill a minute.
5:15 pm Don’t worry for our boredom — CoreyPerry CoreyPerry scored another goal to make this game into a 2-0 end-to-end thrill-a-thon. Meanwhile, Schnookie is working on making a felt-and-sequin golden clockwork owl to be a bosom companion to Hooters H. Puffinstuff.
5:20 pm CoreyPerry CoreyPerry gets a hat trick with an empty-net goal. Yay! It turns out there was actually a second goal in the Sharks/Bruins game, also an empty netter. So we are COMPLETE LIARS about how little offense we’ve seen today. It just feels like we haven’t seen any goals.
5:23 pm There’s no more hockey until 7, but you better believe we’re not getting up off the couch. Now it’s time for some Mary Tyler Moore show on DVD. It’ll be a seamless transition from the Ducks announcers to Ted Baxter.
5:47 pm Boomer’s been holding out on us — there are cheetos in the house! They only expired in August, so they’re still delicious.
7:02 pm Whoops! The Trannies/Stars game is on! We almost forgot!
7:53 pm It is a tremendous challenge to take Bobby Clarke’s in-studio analysis seriously. As difficult as it is to believe, Comcast has managed to find someone who commands even less respect than Mike Milbury.